Who is it?
Candy Gram
Go away, I saw that on Saturday Night Live
Who is it?
Santa Claus
Come on, it's not even Christmas
Who is it?
Easter Bunny
How dumb do you think I am?
Who is it?
Stimulus check
Stimulus check? Why didn't you say so?

We are the government
We're here to help you
We are the government
We'll tell you what to do
We'll show you how to live your life
Raise your kids and treat your wife
We are the government
And we're here to help you

We are the government
Your money belongs to us
We are the government
And when we tax you, please don't fuss
You'll see the benefit someday
And besides it's ours anyway
We are the government
Your money belongs to us
We are the government
We'll tell you what to eat
We are the government
And you must avoid red meat
It's bad for your heart
Bad for your waist
In time you'll love how tofu tastes
We are the government
And we'll tell you what to eat

There's a vicious rumor floating around
That we all work for you
But the government doesn't work at all
So how can that be true?

We are the government
The election is our home
And for that we'll sell our soul
We have limousines and jets
We spread the wealth, you absorb the debt
We are the government
And we know what's best for you

We are the government
Your healthcare's in our hands
You might have heard we've started what we call the Kevorkian Clan
Don't smoke, don't drink, and don't get sick
Because if you do, you'll die real quick
We are the government
And your healthcare's in our hands
Now this is a free country
You can eat hamburgers galore
But of course we can't provide your health insurance, anymore, ha ha
We are the government
Obey our laws you must
We are the government
But the laws are not for us
You have the healthcare plan we say, but you can't expect us to live that way
Because we are the government
And the laws are not for us

I'm hungry!
Hungry? What happened to your gruel?
Have you already eaten your gruel?
You only get one bowl a day you know, you don't want to get fat!
I'm cold! I need a coat!
Cold? No coats!
Haven't you heard of global warming? Be patient!
I'm bleeding! I had an accident
An accident? Well, what did you do with your Band-Aid?
We gave you one last year!