When we were having our first baby
The wife said to me, "Maybe
We should have this child the natural way (The natural way)
Without drugs or medication
But in peaceful meditation
We'll start this child out on its merry way"

So we enrolled into a school and learned to breathe both out and in
Then proudly told our family and our friends

We're having a baby (Baby) the natural way
We're having a baby (Baby), we're happy to say
This child will enter into life in sweet tranquility
The way the old folks did it all down through history
Queens and peasants have both done it, so just how hard can it be?
We're having a baby (Baby) the natural way (The natural way)

Our reluctant obstetrician
Made just one one condition
We could have the child naturally, but in a delivery room
So we kept breathing and rehearsing
'Til the day came for the birthing
Then my wife said sweetly, "Let's go, dear, the baby's coming soon"

So I grabbed our bags and drove her there and got her all checked in
But neither one of us was ready for all that happened then
She started having that baby (Baby) the natural way
She started having the baby (Baby) and I'm sorry to say
Well, there was yelling, screaming, bleeding
And the cursing of my name
We forgot how to breathe when the labor really came
Then she yelled, "Nobody told me that there'd be this much pain!
I'm not having this baby (Baby) the natural way! (The natural way)"

I said, "Now, now, honey, pant and puff"
She said, "Shut your mouth, I've had enough!"
And then from the pit of Hell, there came a primal scream
She got me in a tight chokehold
Grabbed the doctor by his stethoscope
And then a voice from The Exorcist said, "Give me morphine"

They gave her a shot, she relaxed her grip and I passed out on the floor
The baby came, she did just fine, in fact, we had two more

But we didn't have those babies (Babies) the natural way
We had those babies (Babies), I'm happy to say
In an air-conditioned hospital with every modern aid
With syringes filled with the very best painkillers ever made
You can bet your life there's one thing that you'll never hear us say
"We're having a baby (Baby) the natural way (The natural way)"

You know it just ain't natural having a baby the natural way
Hey doc, could we have a little more painkiller over here?
Thank you
I think my wife could use a little too, heh-heh
We're not having a baby (Baby) the natural way