I was snoozin' on the sofa when she came in from work
She started baby-talkin' as she laid down her purse
"How's mama's pookie-wookie? How's her big sweetie-pie?"
I kinda smiled and I opened one eye

"Did mama's hunky lovey-dovey have a hard day?"
I was just about to answer when I heard her say
"Him's so fat and lazy but him sweet as can be"
That's when I knew she wasn't referring to me

Oh, I wish she talked to me like that
Didn't care where I scratched or sat
Gave me praise for being lazy and fat
But she only talks that way to her cat, oh yeah
She only talks that way to her cat

And would you look at him? He's just an ugly big ball of fur
He acts as if he doesn't care a thing about her
He doesn't work, he's never even caught a small mouse
But she treats him like the king of the house

Hey, I'm a little overweight and I treat her like I don't care
I even laid out of work and it got me nowhere
It's a mystery I simply can't understand
What she loves in that cat, she can't stand in a man
Oh, I wish she talked to me like that
Didn't care where I scratched or sat
Gave me praise for being lazy and fat
But she only talks that way to her cat, oh yeah
She only talks that way to that big little cat

Well, meow