Do you remember the day that if you said that you were gay
It meant with joy, you could sing and shout?
A fairy was enchanting, and dressing up and camping
Was something you did with the scouts
That carefree age when an urgent case of aids
Was powdered milk we sent to the Sahara
A fruit was something nice to eat, a poof was something for your feet
And a queen was an old tart in a tiara

Ah, look what we've done to the old mother tongue
It's a crime the way we've misused it
It's been totally diswoggled, crumbed, and blonged and golly-woggled
And we've strangled, fangled, mangled and abused it

Ah, those far off times when a bong meant a chime
And a buzz was a noise insecticidal
A joint was something between bones, and getting really stoned
Only happened to bad people in the Bible
When if you had a bad trip, it meant you fell and broke your hip
Cold turkey just meant Christmas at Aunt Dottie's
Coke was something that you burned, smack was something that you earned
From your mumzie wumzie when you had been naughty

Ah, look what we've done to the old mother tongue
It's a crime the way we've misused it
It's been totally diswoggled, crumbed, and blonged and golly-woggled
And we've strangled, fangled, mangled and abused it
The years have gone I'm afraid, when only eggs got laid
And only the rhinoceros got horny
Only kangaroos jumped, and only camels humped
Getting stuffed meant a little taxidermy
Swinging was for trapezes, or Tarzan's chimpanzees
Tossing off was something Scotland did with cabers
Now it means something quite obscene
And heavy ugly scene is any movie starring Arnold Schwarzenegger

Ah, look what we've done to the old mother tongue
It's a crime the way we've misused it
It's been totally diswoggled, crumbed, and blonged and golly-woggled
And we've strangled, fangled, mangled and abused it

Ah, look what we've done to the old mother tongue
It's a crime the way we've misused it
It's been totally diswoggled, crumbed, and blonged and golly-woggled
And we've strangled, fangled, mangled and abused it

They're only words, and words are what we use
When we got sod all to say. (cosumel)