[Round 1: MVP]
Yo…Mr. Biscuit is a dumb name!
And you gon’ take this flow out? Stop
Shoulda named yourself Bill Collector
Think you just gon’ come here and show out (Showwoutt)? Not! (knot)
I got a female shooter that squeeze triggers
I’m talkin’ leave n***as
And the only way y’all gon’ get Mr. is if she misses (Mrs.)!
I done had to shoot through tint
One thing about that glass, it don’t shatter
Loaded my clip wit’ a bunch of Tsu Surf battles
‘Cause if it ain’t a mill’, it don’t matter
LOOK at this n***a!
Y’all can see that the kid ain’t wit’ it
Lookin’ like the n***a that tell on all the n***as at work
Talkin’ about “Y’all know the break only 15 minutes”
I get extra- listen
I get extra wit’ it
Do not try lil’ Berry from Jennings ‘cause the set is in him
I’m from the city of dog food and PCP
I seen that water bring out the evil in n***as like an exorcism
F&N! 57’s! AKs! ARs!
I done touched so many bodies over the work…they reported me to HR!
You named yourself Biscuit!
If I’m missin’ somethin’, Lamont, wake me
Oh, you named yourself “Biscuit” ‘cause you on the rise…
Nah, nah - you think that you layered…
N***a, you are FLAKY!
I give ‘em that feel!
It’s not always about makin’ the can bust
Cryptocurrency
N***a, I just coin something you can’t touch!
URL! It’s on site!
Get faded! Smoke him out!
N***a, I done been in more kick do’s than Roach at Baby Joker’s house
N***as was fightin’ over dice games
See, when you losin’ all of your money, the hate rise
How ironic
I’ve seen pupils go in different directions…over snake eyes (Snake Eyez)!
He can’t fuck wit’ me at SHIT!
Do not say that he hot!
He look like that Black friend that every white person say that they got
I’m gonna hurt you
You givin’ off geeky, nerdy vibes, so you Urkel
Even if we was close friends, you’d still be green of my social circle!
Is HE UP!?
What!?
You’d still be green of my social circle!
Is he up!?
We was takin’ down the pushers!
N***a, we up!
Robbin’ the drug dealers
Code word: “Chris Brown”
FUCK RE (RHI’)-UP!
I’m outta control!
I should be dead or in jail, I suppose!
I remember I got this one n***a for his .38 snub, right?
That shit was like takin’ candy from a baby
I walked away like “Got your nose!”
It’s about time the URL got a n***a like me
I felt like it was worth the wait
‘Cause I’m electric, ill (eel)
The most shocking in my current state!
RAP!
[Round 1: Mr. Biscuit]
MVP, the nicest pen in this room
No clown, no cappin’
MVP got everything you want in a battle
Projection, power, passion
MVP gon’ give you three rounds of astounding rappin’
Catch a decisive L on the app, and have no idea how it happened
Throw the names “MVP” and “Mr. Biscuit” away
This is “Brother Yam Shane” and I’m “End of the Day”
Like, “Ay, Smack, you think that Crucible event went okay?”
“Well, MVP my brother, ya’mshayin’? But at the end of the day…”
I am a seventh-round draft pick!
I’m not playin’ this year
This a petting zoo, I’m a G.O.A.T. pen
What a stable career!
To the app, salute (Absolut)!
Meanin’ bar for bar, I’m the favorite, clear!
Think moms at the grocery store…
(*Mr. Biscuit stops and quickly turns his head to look over both of his shoulders*)
You better not act crazy in here
Now I’m a-
PLAY wit’ me!
I’m a advocate of peace!
But if you cowards want to start fires
The first one who trip’ll lay (AAA) on the curb like bald tires
I’ve popped out, ready for the smoke like car lighters
I’ll let a .4 get (forget) your best friend like Alzheimer’s
How are you supposed to win 10 stacks in this place?
Burrus called you a “casual Crip”, and you ain’t throw one stack in his face!
You remember that arcade game with the jet skis where you crash in the waves?
That’s just you - you too (two) token
You lack what it takes!
And your rap name “MVP”?
Boy, that was silly and strange
That’s like sayin’, “Ay, YouTube! Put me on the 20th page!”
I’m really enraged
This fanbase gets bigger with age
And the tiniest check for you: that’s minimum wage!
I’m a bigger problem
I’ll snap a Joker neck, I’m sick of Gotham
I came to address (a dress) and wig on a bully like Dennis Rodman
What’s gon’ happen if he buck up like he wit’ the nonsense?
A conversation…between M (Em’) and his doctor like “Guilty Conscience”!
I was lazy in A-Z!
I almost forfeited this spot!
I got a duplex, I got a rental, I got a business that’s hot
Lexx called me, said, “It’s 10 bands if you win. You forgot?“
I said, “10 bands was my tax return.”
He said, “Pretend that it’s not!“
Y’all gettin’ me hot!
Berry, it doesn’t matter how hard you act
I was raised in a broken home
Meanin’ pleas(e) get farther (father) back
I am your last level
You starin’ at your ceiling like an insomniac
On what basis (bases) do you keep livin’?
You’re not a army brat
You are a supernova
That’s an expendable star
Nobody can believe you made it, in America, like a dependable car
This is wild dogs to mere cats (meerkats)!
And I appreciate how…Simba you are
But this journey leads to yo’ mother havin’ to live with a Scar
But at least you get to be Simba
I mean, Geppetto is what they callin’ me
Probably ‘cause I pop out the woodwork on a real boy wannabe
You wanna know the only way this gon’ look good for you tonight, pal?
Start rewritin’ your next round…right now
[Round 2: MVP]
Ay, this how bro rap
Cuz be like…
“I’m the best…period, I know the cycle
And you’re gonna have to write (ride) your will (wheels) sideways like Batman’s motorcycle
Or keep God close like when you hold a Bible
You’re gonna have to be Jordan to make this a tie, son (Tyson)
That’s both the Michaels”
Shut the fuck up…
“…that’s both the Michaels”
(*MVP chuckles a little bit, then gets back on focus*)
I can see it now
MVP, the new face of URL
Got n***as very scared
Like Bernie Sanders at the inauguration, I’ve just been picturing me everywhere
You know what happens if somethin’ happens to me?
FISH FRIES!
You know what’s at stake!?
Smack and Beasley ain’t gon’ be the only n***as givin’ out plates!
Body shot!
See, I’ve earned the fire to make moves
Now his side…burn a little higher like J2
This body trife!
Since a preteen, I fire pipes!
Kick down your door! Knock over all your Pokémon cards!
N***a, you ain’t even the fire type!
This is what bein’ that n***a look like!
See, I get with the times
But P told me to be more explosive
Why?
All the vets do is get up and BOMB!
I saw your lil’ Crucible clip
You supposed to be who the people worship?
Well, I feel like you pointless…pussy
I’m literally about to defeat the purpose
I shook the art!
N***as that don’t match well against me get took apart
And he must think he Jamie Foxx when he playin’ Ray Charles, huh?
This n***a not even tryin’ to look the part!
I don’t give a fuck who you is or if you could spit
I can give a fuck less about who you get
There is not. Enough. Space!
Too many corns don’t fit the shoe he in!
You woulda got bullied where I come from!
Straight punked!
I woulda slapped the back of your neck every day on the way to lunch
You gon’ need an army just to harm me
‘Cause I’ll shoot up any par-ty
And you look like…a Chad…for real (Pharrell)
You a N-E-R-D!
You know what I hate that battle rappers do?
It’s this:
“‘Cause you know, Chad and Pharrell make N*E*R*D”
Now I be pissed
At the crib, scrollin’ through YouTube like, “The fuck is he runnin’ it back for? Shit ain’t even sick!”
But you know what’s coming after that, though, nerd?
The Clips(e)!
I done went from sunup to sundown without the mill’ (meal)
It’s Ramadan
I’m from a block of cons
Just know I made it ‘Through The Fire’ like Chaka Khan
This monster calm
And yo’ bitch ass probably sit up and watch Dragon Ball Z all day
So now I gotta address anime like Comic-Con
Calm it down!
I get big flagrant
Like, “Gimme all of your money now, Biscuit!”
I’m impatient
Then I step back with the .5 wavin’ like The Temptations!
I’m stylin’!
“MVP work for the post office, y’all”
That’s the angle? N***as wildin’
Plus I got the rocket in the back of the mail truck like “Do. We. Have. A. Problem?”
Rap
[Round 2: Mr. Biscuit]
(*singing*)
God is able
God is able
Tell you, God is able and He…
He won’t fail

They say I’m Christian, but I’m Christ-ian
My status is odd
I’m not religious, I’m righteous
That means “in right standing with God”
So instead of worrying about being wrong or right, standing with God
So if this goes wrong, you could still be right standing with-

(*singing*) God is able

We knew you was ‘bout to be plain (plane) in the building before the pilot dropped
Y’all got the same sticks line after line, y’all some riot cops
Yo’ greatest weapon in battles is givin’ your opponent writer’s block
Yo’ name shoulda been “C-Section”
You ain’t never comin’ outside the box!
I’m outstanding in this field
Sammy Sosa when the man rappin’
‘Cause while I pop so fly, I’m usually headed home before the fans catch it
The ratchet is handcrafted
That’s unpackin’ a symbol (cymbal) like band practice
Wit’ punches, I’m Chris Columbus
‘Cause I telegraph from Spain and still (steal) land fastest
You shoulda quit when everybody called you a clone for free
Your rounds wouldn’t be nail-biters if you wrote ‘em wit’ OCD
You wouldn’t have a radical thought (thot) on the card if you battled Yoshi G
You’se a part-time Crip, you bang on the side like a old TV
@realmrbiscuit my Twitter name
The simple aim is to serve him with a stack of soft rounds like Prince after a pickup game
I’m some amped
Right hook like a bus ramp: it’ll lift up lames
I’m everywhere, wit’ hands like Medicare
I’ll give this Crip a cane
You gon’ beat me?
Bro, that wasn’t a question
That’s a dummy suggestion
I’ll slap you so hard, your braids’ll come loose and then re-twist in the other direction
Think yo’ girlfriend best friend: I’m nothin’ to mess with
I’m ‘bout to bring everything up like a stomach infection
Oh, you got outer space bars?
Well, you a dead Martian
I’m in a whole different bag like the egg carton
You gon’ go from Crip Gang to they next target
‘Cause you a disgrace to yo’ color: you Ben Carson!
Let me guess: MVP - Most Valuable Player cards, right?
Wrong
MVP, most value bull - play your cards right
If you lookin’ for a dogfight, I’m the wrong type
Strong right, but I black wit’ both hands like frostbite
I get it
Instead of “there”, you say “thurr”
That’s how you speak bars?
Keep the accent
You gon’ be fightin’ for “urr” in the E.R.

Lemme TALK to him!

You gon’ be fightin’ for “urr” in the E.R.
You say it’s gon’ be some fightin’ over “hurr” (her)?
You better be a jealous husband
Because it ain’t gon’ be no fightin’ over “hurr” ‘cause I’ll level somethin’
He say he send a threat and I’m “scurred” like I ain’t up to it?
Nah, bruh, you send a threat, then I’m SKRRT! I’m pullin’ up to it!
You wanna know the only way this gon’ look good for you tonight, pal?
Start rewritin’ your next round…right now

[Round 3: MVP]
Champion...said that I was the “prototypical battle rapper”
Like I’m not deservin’ of some of the best looks
I'm a high school fuckin' dropout, and I'm textbook?
Like, really, man?
I’m the best n***a…here!
I can beat any man!
If battle rap wasn’t about fuckin’ winning, I’d just be Hennyman!
That shit’ll BLAKA through your house!
I feel like my options runnin’ out
I see why they keep callin’ me “O-Red”
‘Cause if I gotta talk, then the choppers comin’ out
They talkin’ like I ain’t got a chance of beatin’ ‘em!
N***a, that gas is Premium!
I grew up fightin’ demons and ghosts
I was forced to find a happy medium!
No Justice! No Peace!
No Justice! No Peace!
See, y’all confused, but that come with a message
‘Cause this n***a got children by white women!
That’s your way of sayin’ “Fuck the oppressor”!?
You done lost your marbles!?
That’s probably why these outfits look the way that they fuckin’ do
God-awful…
This n***a dress like Eminem in 2001…he shop at Marshall’s!
You the type to wait to jump in, but this not what this about
You the type to walk into the party and make everybody bounce
You havin’ fun or what?
I’m clutchin’ up
And I’m not from 63rd!
Is you gon’ Duck or what?
I’m like a Mexican, wit’ the razor under the tongue
N***a, I’m cuttin’ up!
I’m mad as FUCK that you think this shit is equal
And I know it be awkward when your white baby mama ask you to do a dance, not knowin’ you ain’t got no rhythm either
She like, “Come on, Lamont! Let’s do the dance, Lamont!”
All frantic and shit
This n***a can’t Dougie, do the Chickenhead
He start fuckin’ Fortnite dancin’ and shit!
You pansy bitch!
See, I over-rap
And they’re callin’ me the Allen Iverson of the Lou (Lue)
No…I’m a step over that!
I melt haters!
And at this point, I been in my prime (Prom) twice like twelfth-graders
I mean, the n***a got bars…he just lack feel (Phil) like the 2012 Lakers!
Bitch! Ass! N***a!
I could teach you how to empty a semi
I grew up on Crip-on-Crip violence: Timmy and Jimmy!
I’m the same MVP!
You can’t change MVP
And as long as this n***a dies, you can blame MVP
You gon’ hate this
Handle so hot, it can make grits
Get a facelift
Closet lookin’ like yo’ barbershop, n***a
I got Great Clips!
Yo-...
You...
You started battlin’ 12 years ago!
Facts, n***a!
You battled Dirtbag Dan, and you so dirty, you ended up bein’ dirtier than that n***a
Rap, n***a

[Round 3: Mr. Biscuit]
You said that I talk nerdy
And I’ll admit, bro, I have astounding diction
When you say I sound nerdy, I be too proud to listen
That’s the same thing they told Malcolm X when he got out of prison
Coward, listen
And I admit my enunciation is crispy!
I speak so well, in the 1920s, a Klan member would lynch me
You would walk up to one of ‘em and ask, “What did I do?”
They’d say I’m a bad influence on good n***as like you!

Y’all ain’t ready for that one

Bro, I came to Round 3 wit’ the stupidest name in battle rap
And I’m so outstanding that this would be boring without that handicap
It’s a reason why the name silly
Think them kids that pick the wackest team on 2K
I dare you to play wit’ me
I’m way risky
He wouldn’t blow a cartridge if the game glitchy
Rounds perfect, but I just keep tweakin’
It’s like my face itchy
Berry a walking contradiction
How you a straight sissy?
If I get out of pocket, his dog’ll play dead
(*kiss-kiss*) Biscuit - the name fits me
I done gave plenty
I’m the nicest in my state, city
And the nicest thing they offer in Oregon (organ) like a replaced kidney
P called, had the nerve to be mad I ain’t wanna take MV’
I said, “Wit’ all the caps in this round, he done capped in these battles, why is my plate fishy?”
Captain D’s battles? Why is my plate fishy?
His girl got three pimps (Pips) in a record, they call her Gladys Knight
Right now, she duckin’ the screen while I’m punchin’ her king like Ricky Hatton wife
Before SMACK, I got to almost a stack as my askin’ price
The contract said “A band and (Abandon) a body”, so I sent the opp to the afterlife
Yo’ last two battles you got bested, the white person was the popular rapper
You tryna tell me you a Crip and be on the block wit’ them hammers
But you stand in front of a Caucasian and your confidence shatters?
But you can call me a Christian, a Baptist, or a Protestant pastor
It’s not gonna matter
You’re the one that whine (wine) over Bloods, but can’t body a cracker!
So don’t tell me about the rays he was raisin’ and how he was raised around them
When basically anybody from different races’ll race around him!
I watched a white boy grill you like a steak medallion
But I’ll put a W on the app like Meg Thee Stallion!
So if this is war
His family’ll post signs that say “Missing” for him
Then it’s FBI agents with coffee searchin’ for missing forms
Then it’s search parties with spotlights out on a mission for him
Then it’s that awkward phone call:
“We thought he was safe. We were misinformed
We spotted the whip, it was missin’ form”
Don’t send no doctor
Somebody caught him at a traffic light while his Pinto stopped up
Pistol cocked and put MV’ (envy) through the glass like a window shopper
All that tough talk you do!? Allow me to remind you
He got a Apple Music podcast called N***as Drink Wine Too

[MVP]
It’s fire, too. Check it out

[Mr. Biscuit]
(*wheezes in disbelief*)
Is that the case?
So it’s dice games and shootouts every Saturday?
Then all of a sudden, outta nowhere, n***as is in the mood for some Cabernet!?

(*Mr. Biscuit doubles over in laughter as the crowd to chuckle at the bars he just said*)

Hold up! (x6)
You sayin’ it’s beef in the yard, keys in the car (Yeah)
Lawyer fees, beatin’ the charge
Best friends wit’ bullet wounds that be leavin’ ‘em scarred
That does NOT put you in the mood for no Pinot Noir!
You ol’...feminine, considerate gentleman!
Stop talkin’ ‘bout dischargin’ weapons
I’ll make you eat a wine glass and set fire to your scarf collection
We need answers in this building!
Matter fact, we demand it
Lemme say it in a way so that you’ll understand it:
You got Riesling at your place?
Stop actin’ like a bad guy!
Cognac kind’ll put him in the urr (air) like a magpie
Go to his wine cellar in rage, knock the frames out ‘em
Then beat MVP wit’ the bottles that came out ‘em!
Bro, you got excellent punches, bro - high praises
I’m Joe Biden
It don’t matter if ‘VP blackin’ when my mind races (racist)
You’ll get exorcized (exercised) when the wheels start spinnin’ like mice cages
All that “fly south” talk for the birds - this a migration
Round