[MAN WITH BEARD]
We are...

[ALL VOLUNTEERS]
Volunteers Fighting Disease
And we're cheerful all day long
If someone said that we were sad
That person would be wrong

Tra la la
Fiddle dee dee
Hope you get well soon
Ho ho ho
Hee hee hee
Have a heart-shaped balloon

We visit people who are ill
And try to make them laugh
Even when the doctor says
He must saw them in half

Tra la la
Fiddle dee dee
Hope you get well soon
Ho ho ho
Hee hee hee
Have a heart-shaped balloon
We visit people who are sick
And try to make them smile
Even if their noses bleed
Or if they cough up bile

Tra la la
Fiddle dee dee
Hope you get well soon
Ho ho ho
Hee hee hee
Have a heart-shaped balloon

We sing to men with measles
And to women with the flu
And if you breathe in deadly germs
We'll probably sing to you

Tra la la
Fiddle dee dee
Hope you get well soon
Ho ho ho
Hee hee hee
Have a heart-shaped balloon

We are Volunteers Fighting Disease
And we're cheerful all day long
If someone said that we were sad
That person would be wrong
We visit patients in their beds
And get them to cheer up
Even when they donate blood
Or pee into a cup

Tra la la
Fiddle dee dee
Hope you get well soon
Ho ho ho
Hee hee hee
Have a heart-shaped balloon

We visit victims everywhere
And try to calm them down
Even when their raw, red throats
Make their faces frown

We sing and sing and sing and sing
You cannot turn us off
The cheerful lyrics work like pills
And might improve your cough

We visit people with bad mouths
Whose tongues swell up with sores
Our songs bring lots of sunshine in
Although they're stuck indoors
We visit folks with leprosy
And sing them songs as such
We're careful not to touch them, though
Or breathe in very much

We sing while walking down the hall
And then consult our list
To see the name of anyone
Who just might have a cyst

The hospital is burning down
It really is a shame
And the worst part is
The Baudelaires are totally to blame

The hospital is burning down
And soon it will be ashes
All the patients have to leave
Even those with rashes