[VIOLET]
You may think that the Baudelaires ought to prevail
Be tucked someplace, all safe and sound
Count Olaf captured and rotting in jail
His henchpeople nowhere around

[VIOLET & COUNT OLAF]
But there's no happy endings
Not here and not now
This tale is all sorrows and woes
You might dream that justice and peace win the day
But that's not how the story goes

You might think that two parents
Both brave and both true
Would live to a nice, ripe old age
But I'm sad to say I have bad news for you:
The curtain rings down on the stage

[VIOLET]
Yes

[VIOLET & COUNT OLAF]
There's no happy endings
Not here and not now
This tale is all sorrows and woes
You might dream that justice and peace win the day
But that's not how the story goes
[COUNT OLAF]
There's no happy endings
Not here and not now
This tale is all sorrows and woes
You might dream that the justice and peace win the day
But that's not how the story goes

[VIOLET & COUNT OLAF]
There's no happy endings
Not here and not now
This tale is all sorrows and woes
You might dream that justice and peace win the day
But that's not how the story goes

Some people smile at the end of the day
Some people laugh, I suppose
But to me, there's nothing but gloom and despair
But that's how the story goes

[LEMONY SNICKET, spoken]
It's now been many years, months, and sleepless nights since I began to investigate the Baudelaire orphans. But despite all my research, I have been unable to determine their whereabouts. I cannot find them. I cannot help them. I can only hope that they're alive and safe

(whistling)

Wherever they are