So you wanted a perfect holiday but you failed
We could have had a decent show but that ship sailed
You kept your audience hostage for an hour
Until their joyful moods had all been soured
The childhood festivities we once revered now as adults seem depressing and weird
So next year we'll find a tradition that are new and gay

Think of the tree we deck with Christmas cheer
Chopping down entire forests every year
Or maybe a plastic model you've displayed
That gets thrown in a dump to never biodegrade
Oh, the meaning is good and the sentiment's nice
But let's not kill the Earth to celebrate Christ
So next year we'll find a tradition that are new and gay

Think of all the fruit cake wasted
On our tastebuds more evolved
What's the point in repeating the pointless
Traditions we pass on should be for everyone involved

So, let's celebrate in ways we won't detest
Keep the rituals that serve you and then say fuck the rest
The winter's grim and life is hard
But you can't put that on a Hallmark card
So next year we'll find traditions that are new
Until the day that they get old too
And the next year we'll find traditions that are new and gay
New and gay!