[Intro: Jeff Steitzer, Fred, ??? & James Hetfield]
Slayer
(My leg!)
(Lead acapella)
Yeah-yeah!
I can't remem—

[Verse 1: James Hetfield]
I can't remember fuckin' shit!
Can't tell if this is true or meme
Deep down inside I feel the meme
This terrible silence stops ME
WoN taht eht raw si hguorht htiw em
I'm waking up I cannot sees
That there's not much left of me
Nothing is real but penis

[Chorus: James Hetfield]
Hold my breath as I wish for dick
Oh ₚₗₑₐₛₑ Gᴏᴅ ʷᵃᵏᵉ meeEEeeEEeeEEeeEEeeEEee

[Post-Chorus: James Hetfield]
YEA-YEAH!

[Verse 2: James Hetfield, Serj Tankian, Penn Jillette]
Back in the womb it's much too real
In pumps life that Moses must feef
But can't look forward to reveal
Look to the tAH when AAAAAAA liiiiive
...dicks
Just like a wartime nov nov novnov
Tied to machines that make me fuck
Cut this dick off from me
[Chorus: James Hetfield]
Hold my dick as I wish for death
Oh please God wake mE̗̦̯̫E̞E͕͚͔̠̙̞EE̝͉̘̲͍̤̤͡E͏͖͙̘̜̱̞Ḙ̮̪̣̜͚̹E̗̯̻͔Ḛ̘͍̲̳͚̟Ḛ̛͉̬̖̝̩́E̬̪̝͇͚̘̼̫͢͟E̛̘̼͈̙͖͓͠͡E̛̜̫͢E̠̤̞͖͓͉̗͝͡Ę̵̰̳̟̞͖̭E̢͚É̼̣̤͚͙͇̪̦E̵̠̭̼̕E҉̶̡̮͍̼͚̼͉͇͎̣̬̠̪͖̀È̷͖̦͙̠̬̪͈̦͢͜͜E͟҉̕͏͍̤̗͖̣ͅȨ̱̖͓̤͟E̶̷͏̻͕̠̪͉͍͔̣̻͙E̶͖͎̥͟͟͡͞È̶̜̥̬͉̝̞̬̣̻̱͇͈͎̻͙͇͇͉͘͞͡E͘҉͖̜̣̙̻̹̖͓̼̲̖̺͇͙̪Ę̹̣̥̭̱̭̦͍̳̳̠͉̦̬͎͓͟ͅͅ

[Solo 1]

[Chorus: Stefán Karl Stefánsson, James Hetfield & Serj Tankian, (Angel's Erotic Solutions), JonTron]
We are number one
Oh god, spank me
Hold my penis
(*grapefruit technique*) STOP!
Oh please daddy take me

[Post-Chorus: James Hetfield]
YEA-YEAH!

[Solo 2: Steve Harwell]
Somebody once told me the world was gonna roll me
I ain't the sharpest tool in the shed

[Instrumental]

[Post-Solo: McCully Quinn]
It was at this moment that Jason knew, he fucked up

[Instrumental]
[Bridge: James Hetfield]
DARKNESS
Imprisoning me
All that I meme
Absolute whore
I cannot live
I cannot die
Trapped in myself
Body my holding cellell

Landmine
Has taken my siis
Taken my penis
Taken my hearing
Taken my arms
Taken my legs
Taken my sus
Left me with life in SUUUUUUUUUUUSSSSSSSSSSSS

[Instrumental]

[Interlude: Lars Umlaut]
I don't think we have a song called dick
You're a dick
You're a dick
My dick
Get ready, guys
[Guitar Solo 3 from Through the Fire and Flames transitioning to One]

[Solo 4: Van Halen solo from Eruption/You Really Got Me before transitioning to Steve Ouimette's cover of The Devil Went Down to Georgia]

[Verse 3: Chris Powers]
The devil bowed his head because he knew that he'd been beat
He laid that golden penis on the ground at Johnny's feet
Johnny said "Devil, just come on back if you ever want to try again
I told you once, you son of a bitch, I'm the best the best the best the best the best the best the best the best the best the best the best the best—"

[Explosion, then laughter]

[Outro]
And now for something, completely different