"Trapped in the Closet Chapter 20"
Rosie's in the den sitting in her rocking chair
Reading the bible and it's so peaceful
Until (door opens) "He got the package Rosie! He got the package
Secret sweet bridges he done got the package! "
"Lawd have mercy Randolph what's done got into you?
And who got the package and what is the package? "
"The package Rosie... the big package"
"Ah hell I ain't got time to be playin with'chu (what you mean?) playin games and carrying on like if I want to play some games
(I wanna talk to ya when I tell ya) I'm a go ahead and turn on the TV and watch me some Wheel of Fortune"
"How the hell I'm a tell ya if you walking away from me... hmm... hm, hm... well hell with it then I ain't goin tell ya nothin
You must want to know... about the paaasssssstor"
" (Gasp) what about the pastor? "
"Wha... wha-wha-wha-wha-wha wha what? Did you hear that? Did somebody round here say sumthin? I thought I heard a–"
"Just quit playin and tell me what's going on with the pastor? "
"Well now you wanna know... I'll tell ya it's way better than peeking out them damn windows you be peeking out of (sucks teeth)
Ain't no pigeon goin sh*t on you listen to me" "RANDOLPH! "
"Okay, okay... lemme calm down... ooohh saahhh"
"I'll slap you with this hot water bag if you don't start talking to me! "
"Alright, alright, alright... I'm a talk to ya, and I'm a tell it all
I was at church in the pastor office cleaning up and next thing you know I was... "
[Randolph sings:] "Hmm, yes Lord... yes Lord, yea- (stops and drinks liquor) oooh, yeah loooorrrrr, what... "
[Someone shouts:] "I can't talk to you about that right now sister Marie, I got a phone call"
"sh*t think sh*t think sh*t sh*t think Randolph... "
"Hmm, and that's when I got my ole ass in that closet"
[Rosie:] "Now quit cussin" "Now just shut'cha ass up and just listen Rosie
You say you wanna know... then I got in that closet and it all started to happen
The pastor came in; he was on the phone talking to a man"
"What's wrong with being on the phone talking to a man? "
"Well it all depends on what'chu saying... to that man
Now to make a long story short he said 'Rufus I miss you'
And I couldn't believe my ears when he said 'Chuck I miss you too'
And then his wife comes in starts pinching the b*t*h"
"I know meh don't like being in folk bidness but Randolph this is some juicy sh*t, what else"
"Anyway they arguing back and forth, pastor Rufus start try'na convince this man to let him come see him
But obviously he said no" "What else? "
"Nah calm down dammit wait a minute lemme think... oh, oh, he asked the pastor to stay in his life
But then the pastor said no" "God must be working on em, then what? "
"Pastor say 'Chuck let's meet and our spot, the Holidae Inn"
"And then? " "That's when" "When what? " "AHH, took another shot of that gin"
"Ooooh Randolph this is getting good, but what make ya say got the package? "
"When Chuck let em know" "know what" "that he's in the hospital-ooooooh (burps) "
"He got the package! " "Didn't I tell ya? " "He got the package Randolph you was right"
"Next time you listen to me when I'm try'na tell ya ass sumthin"
"Oh my god, where's my phone book? "
"What you need the phone book fo? ("Lord have mercy") Now don't go tellin everybody around town Rosie ("ahh he got the package")
With yo big mouth ass (door closes) shoot!
(Randolph drinks liquor and goes to sleep)