Richard Pryor
Cops/The Line-Up
I'd be runnin' from the cops and shit, you know, 'cause we have like curfew, eleven o'clock

And you had to be home-N***as had to be home about eleven; negroes, twelve

And white cops worked at night, your ass was in trouble if they caught you. Right, they'd catch you, and-

"Ahh!"

Cop: "Get your hands up Black boy!"

"Ahhh!"

Cop: "Shutup, punk! Get your hands against the wall!"

"There is no wall?"

Cop: "Find one."

Cop: "Put the handcuffs on him, Fred."

He'd put the handcuffs on, and he's really skinny-they just slip off

Goddamn, put 'em on his ankles or ass or something

-Handcuff your thighs, y'know. Pop you into the car. Take you downtown

You been downtown? You folks know about 'going downtown.'

And they talk shit to you, right?

Cop: "Good thing you ain't in Alabama, boy. We'd clean your goddamn plow."

And I'd be glad I wasn't in Alabama too. I hate it for them to call my father up, right?

Police Department: "Mr. Pryor, we have your son down here at headquarters..."

Father: "What about it? Fuck him."

I'd hate it for my father to come get me outta jail, right? 'Cause I know he's gonna beat my ass, right? Y'know, I'd be praying somethin' happen to him on the way down there

But he always showed up
Father: "Uh-huh, I'm gonna get you out. Uh-huh, I'm gonna get you out, but I'm gonna tear your ass, now I told you *mumbles*... Uh, how much is it ma'am? Ten dollars? Yeah, I'm gon' pay it, and I'm gon' knock the shit outta *mumbles-under-breath*..."

I couldn't lie to my old man, nothin' right? 'Cause he could hypnotize me, right? He had them eyes-check you right out

Father: "Say man, you fuckin' up in school again?"

Huh?

...

Yes. I am

...

Hey, you ever notice, like, on the nights, like- White people come out early on Saturday night, and go home and leave it to the n***as?

It's great, like. We think that, all that-We can sit in the same club together, White and Black... and not understand eachother...

It's amazing. It can only happen in America

I used to love getting arrested though... On Saturday night, 'cause it was fun if you was in the line-up, it was like being in show-business

'Cause like, all the ugly White girls couldn't get in, they said n***as raped 'em

Police: "Alright, come on now, you wanna go down? You were down last week. You know what to do, don't'cha?"
It was a lot of fun, unless you got picked. It was yo ass

Police: "Alright, bring it up, up there...

"Allen T. Johnson- Suspected of grand theft auto. Step forward."

Allen: "Uhh, I'd like to say somethin' about that. Uhh, I thought that was my mother's car, man. I went downtown, my mother told me to pick the car up at 1:30 and it was in front of the bank. And I was-took the car and I was about two blocks from home, and I done-This white lady sittin' next to me screamin' and shit. I didn't know WHAT was happenin'...

"I thought it was a stick-up! In fact, I want to press charges aganist her, because she scratched my hand and shit... and yelled all in my ear, and hurt my ear and everythin'. And I have medical reports to prove that-"

Police: "You want a ass-whoopin'?"

"Buddy T. Wilson. Uh, handin' out anti-government literature. Step forward."

Buddy: "You're goddamn right. That's right, I'm gonna hand out a ass-whoopin' when I get these handcuffs off. And I got your badge number, chump..."

Police: "I don't wanna hear it, n***a. Get that process out your head."

"Arnold T. Perkins. Molesting school-children. Step forward."

Arnold: "Uhh, gee whiz, can we dim these lights? This is ridiculous. This is, uhh, this is obscene in itself. Gentlemen, I have some friends on the city council, and you will hear from them. I've never molested any child or done any-anything in the community. I've done the best I can at all times."

Police: "Okay, step back. Just a minute."