[Verse 1]
Ah, sweet youth
The joys of becoming a teenage prostitute
Or, in my case, a blood-crazed gladiator
'Til I got stuck on this planet and got hooked on the weed
And the crack and the booze and the pills and the speed
And the sex and the mud and the blood and the shit
Let's all go and hit

[Chorus]
I'm talkin' 'bout the
Nitro-burnin' funny bong
Just one hit, your life goes wrong
Nitro-burnin' funny bong
Another stupid stoner song

[Verse 2]
Fat and lame
The claws have been clipped and the tiger's been tamed
By a bong and a schlong
Yes, now we have all seen how games can go wrong
Now my brain's filled with bees, my cock is diseased
Laden with pus, it hangs well past my knees
A swarm of narcotics could get me through this
My manager's gonna be pissed
[Chorus]
I'm talkin' 'bout the
Nitro-burnin' funny bong
Nitro-burnin' funny bong
Nitro-burnin' funny bong
Nitro-burnin' funny bong

Ohhh
Can you take it?
Ohhh
Do a monster
Ohhh
Can you feel it?
We won't respect you unless you get high with the boys

[Verse 3]
Now I'm old
Strapped in my cell as I cultivate mold
In the twilight of my years, I am still a drug addict
I'm sucking all night long on a ten foot bong
Moistened with lotion, wrapped in a sarong
You know I live like a king, but I act like a faggot
You know
Once was a warrior, now just a sponge
High all the time, I got a dick like a muskellunge
My glorious destiny, it turned to shit
Can I get another hit?
[Chorus]
Nitro-burnin' funny bong
Nitro-burnin' funny bong
Nitro-burnin' funny bong
Nitro-burnin' funny bong

Ohhh
Can you take it?
Ohhh
Do a monster
Ohhh
Can you feel it?
We won't respect you unless you get high with the

Nitro-burnin' funny bong
Nitro-burnin' funny bong
Nitro-burnin' funny bong
Nitro-burnin' funny bong

(Nitro-burnin' funny bong
Nitro-burnin' funny bong
Nitro-burnin' funny bong
Nitro-burnin' funny bong)

Ohhh
Can you take it?
Ohhh
Do a monster