[Intro: Blothar]
Ho-ho-hold on to your taints

[Verse 1: Gwarsenio Hall & Blothar]
Fuck you, it's our Christmas song
We all had a dogshit year
So I'm sending you a violent threat
And hope it ruins your Christmas cheer
We'd like to sing about all the things
Your eyes and mind will fear
So hop aboard my...scimitar?
Oh, stab into Christmas with me, yeah
(It's pronounced "scimitar," stupid)

[Chorus: Both]
Stab into Christmas, we'll kill your family
Make your dad look like he's beef jerky
We ate your puppy, now we'll eat your babies
Stab into Christmas, we're on a killing spree, yeah

[Verse 2: Blothar & Gwarsenio Hall]
COVID sucks my monster balls
The whole world will die next year, ho ho ho ho!
A vaccine won't save you from GWAR
It's my Ginsu knife you should fear
(What? Did you buy that from Ron Popeil?)
So Merry Christmas, eat a dick
There's no place I'd rather be
Than delivering to the morgue, ahh
Stab into Christmas with me, yeah
[Chorus: Both]
Stab into Christmas, let's kill a landlord
We'll make him sit on a machine gun bidet
Eat Amy Comey, she's made of bologna
Stab into Christmas, we're on a killing spree, yeah

[Solo: Blothar & Blothar with Ben Koller]
La la la la, la la la la la, la
I love Elton John!

[Verse 3: Gwarsenio Hall & Blothar]
Welcome to your time of death
I'd like to thank you for your guts
We'll redistribute your stinky blood
And mail your spleen to Nazareth
Now you are an organ donor, though involuntarily
Give the gift that keeps on bleeding
Oh, stab into Christmas with me, yeah

[Chorus: Gwarsenio Hall, Blothar & Both]
Stab into Christmas, let's kill Jeff Bezos
We bought katana swords from his shitty ass website
Bill Gates is Satan, we'll leave him alone-y
Stab into Christmas, we're on a killing spree, yeah

Stab into Christmas, shit on a Tesla
We're drinking eggnog while we burn down the White House
It tastes like pee pee, that's why we like it!
Stab into Christmas, we're on a killing spree, yeah
Stab into Christmas, scream into New Year
Boxing Day is stupid and we hate Canadians
Slice off your ding dong, put it on a platter
Stab into Christmas, dick charcuterie, yeah

Stab, stab into Christmas, arson on Hanukkah
Die, we're going to kill you
No matter what you believe, yeah

Stab, stab into Christmas, drink bleach on Kwanzaa
Kill, uh, kill during the feast of Our Lady of Guadalupe?
That's a real thing!