[Intro: Blothar & Bad Biker Bitch]
Blothar! You asshole! I'm so pissed off at all you guys
You know, the last time you gangraped me, you left me at the convenience store in Oklahoma!
You know, I give you the best body that you've ever had and you just don't (appreciate it)
Uh, I wouldn't go that far, sweetheart, y'know, ah
You promised me that if I blew the whole band, you would let me be the new GWAR Woman in the 30th anniversary show!
Okay, okay, slow down, slow down, sweetheart. Come here, come here
Don't you think...that you are being...a little bit...of a...bitch?
What?! I am not a bitch!

[Chorus]
Vlad, Vlad, Vlad the Impaler
Vlad, Vlad
Could have been a tailor but he's
Vlad, Vlad, Vlad the Impaler
Vlad, Vlad
He could have been a whaler
Could have been a jailer
He turned out to be Norman Mailer

Whoa-ohh-ohh-ohh!

[Verse]
He kicked back and he smoked a joint
Twenty thousand peasants, yeah they got the point
His mommy was a hamster and his daddy was a jailer
Real tough childhood for such a fucking failure
He's Vlad

[Chorus]
Vlad, Vlad, Vlad the Impaler
Vlad, Vlad
Could have been a whaler but he's
Vlad, Vlad, Vlad the Impaler
Vlad, Vlad
Could have been a whaler
Could have been a jailer
He turned, he turned, he turned, he turned

Whoa-oh-oh! Whoa-oh-whoa-ohh!
Whoa-oh! Whoa-oh! Whoa-oh-whoa-oh!
Whoa-ohhhh!

V-L-A-D, Vlad

[Solo]
Aw yeah!
That one titty is hard
Alright!

[Bridge]
When he was a boy
They sent him to the Turks
But you know that they didn't like him
Because all the Turks were jerks
When Vlad returned home, his wrath
For the ancient Turks had spurned
But the ancient art of impalement
Was something that that boy had learned
(Hah! Hah! Hah!)
Oh, how he learned
(Hah! Hah! Hah!)
He learned, they burned
They burned and burned
(Hah! Hah! Hah!)
Rotisseries of corpses turned
(Hah! Hah! Hah!)
He's so glad!

He's so glad he's Vlad

[Outro]
Thank you! The Bad Biker Bitch
Boy, it's been a long time since I've seen that broad
Alright