[Bars]
14 year old freshman, Carolina backwoods
I'll probably get an "A" on this paper, yeah, it's that good
Always got up early so I could jump in the shower first
A bowl of oatmeal and cartoons, about an hour's worth
Went to grab some clothes, holy crap, this is awkward
I guess last night I forgot to wash some boxers
Should I go commando, or grab the pair from yesterday?
These are my only options? There's gotta be a better way
Got on the bus, always sat in the back end
I'm sorry Ms. Parks, but this is where the action happens
Some really grimy stuff was going down and then some
That's a story for another time, let's get back to this one
First period, our class was in a trailer
Can't remember the teacher's name, but I knew I used to hate her
She said, "Anthony, did you bring in your report?"
I said, "yeah, it's right here" instead of giving a smart retort
This was a chemistry class, we had to bring up
A science-related topic on anything we could think up
I gave a smirk, me being an ass and all
I did my report on tetrahydrocannabinol
I remember the teacher's face when I stood up
And once I said "weed", the whole class looked up
Everybody was smiling, I spoke so eloquent
Breaking down the different connections of every element
Who knew that they would be interested in marijuana?
I smashed that speech, a young President Obama
I finished my report, the kids started to rise
I got a standing ovation, I couldn't believe my eyes
The teacher looked shocked, I remember so vividly
I threw my hands up in the applause, total victory
I was so cocky that I even took a bow
That's when I heard a "rip", nobody's clapping now
Silence turned to giggling, giggling turned to laughter
My pants split up the middle, man, what a freakin' disaster
The rip was in the front too, remember, no underwear
The class saw my dangling balls, everybody stared
If I was white, I would've been redder than a solo cup
I ran to my seat, used my right hand to hold my nuts
Jerks started whistling, girls started whispering
Jacket 'rounnd my waist, hoping I never go through this again