[ANNOUNCER, (spoken)]
He was a whaler in Alaska 'til bad guys killed his family
Now, he's in the big city looking for vengeance
And they call him:

[FEMALE VOICE]
Harpoon Man!

[ANNOUNCER, (spoken)]
Harpoon Man
The only dude who wields a big-ass harpoon
And knows how to use it

[FEMALE VOICE]
Harpoon Man!

[ANNOUNCER, (spoken)]
Yeah, looking good, Harpoon Man

(sung)
He's a cool customer, with moves that'll make your head spin
But don't you cross him, he got his name for a reason

[FEMALE VOICE]
Harpoon Man!
[ANNOUNCER]
And the ladies, woo, the ladies, they know all about him
And don't you judge his premature ejaculation

(spoken)
Don't worry, Harpoon Man. It happens to lots of guys

[FEMALE VOICE]
Harpoon Man!

[ANNOUNCER, (spoken)]
And you don't mind, 'cause you get all the ladies

(sung)
He gets the ladies, evеn though they know that he is gay

[FEMALE VOICE]
Harpoon Man!

[ANNOUNCER]
He's supеr-handsome, and everyone has boned his wife

(spoken)
I know from experience because I've boned her
In Harpoon Man's bed
And what's up with your face? Ugh!
You look like a six-foot leprechaun, with no wiener!
[FEMALE VOICE]
Harpoon Man!

[ANNOUNCER, (spoken)]
Oh, what? Are you getting mad, Harpoon Man?
You're never gonna find me!
Whoop, you tripped! Watch your step, moron!
Harpoon Man never came out and said it
But I'm pretty sure he's a bigot
I mean, seriously
He's so gay, I heard he breastfed on his daddy's nipples!
Haha! Thank you! Thank you!

[HARPOON MAN, (spoken)]
Gotcha!

[ANNOUNCER, (spoken)]
Hey, man!

[HARPOON MAN]
Breakfast!

[FEMALE VOICE]
Harpoon Man!