Could hardly believe it when I heard the news today
Congress cut your budget right in two
I guess you make people angry with the things you do and say, cuz you make us give our money straight to you
But we need you real bad, though it's clear nobody really likes you
You're the anus of our country, don't you know


Tell me, how are we suppose to live without you
We couldn't functionally survive, no
How are we supposed to live without you?
And just saying this just cuts me like a knife
We need the IRS to stay alive

Yes, you've had fuckups, like that stupid Star Trek thing
Tell me who was it who really thought of that
Well I'm sorry to hear that, they got staffing problems too
Their recruitment numbers at best are a little flat
Now I don't wanna know just how we'd get along without them
Cuz you never miss your anus till it's gone

Tell me, how are we suppose to live without you
We couldn't cut your budgets till you bleed
How are we supposed to love without you?
And how will we pay for everything we need
Like Colorado National Park procurement assistant Brian Reed

[Spoken: John Oliver]
Look, IRS, you're never going to be anyone's favorite agency, you know that. You're boring. You're unlikeable
But here's the thing: deep down, we need you. We need you like we need our own anus
Because like our anus, we may not love you or like to talk about you or even want to look at you through a series of strategically placed mirrors, but deep down, we're glad you're there!


Now I don't want to know what life is like without an anus
Will you think of Brian Reed?
Tell me how are we supposed to live without you?
We relied on you for funding for so long
How are we supposed to love without you?
And how are we supposed to carry on?
When the only practical way to collect revenue under our current governmental system, pending a significant overhaul of the tax code, which seems unlikely at best, is gone