OCTAVE, LÉANDRE, SCAPIN.

OCT
My dear Scapin, what do I not owe to you? What a wonderful man you are, and how kind of Heaven to send you to my help!

LEA
Ah, ah! here you are, you rascal!

SCA
Sir, your servant; you do me too much honour.

LEA
(drawing his sword). You are setting me at defiance, I believe...Ah! I will teach you how....

SCA
(falling on his knees). Sir!

OCT
(stepping between them). Ah! Léandre.

LEA
No, Octave, do not keep me back.

SCA
(to LÉANDRE). Eh! Sir.
OCT
(keeping back LÉANDRE). For mercy's sake!

LEA
(trying to strike). Leave me to wreak my anger upon him.

OCT
In the name of our friendship, Léandre, do not strike him.

SCA
What have I done to you, Sir?

LEA
What you have done, you scoundrel!

OCT
(still keeping back LÉANDRE). Gently, gently.

LEA
No, Octave, I will have him confess here on the spot the perfidy of which he is guilty. Yes, scoundrel, I know the trick you have played me; I have just been told of it. You did not think the secret would be revealed to me, did you? But I will have you confess it with your own lips, or I will run you through and through with my sword.

SCA
Ah! Sir, could you really be so cruel as that?

LEA
Speak, I say.
SCA
I have done something against you, Sir?

LEA
Yes, scoundrel! and your conscience must tell you only too well what it is.

SCA
I assure you that I do not know what you mean.

LEA
(going towards SCAPIN to strike him). You do not know?

OCT
(keeping back LÉANDRE). Léandre!

SCA
Well, Sir, since you will have it, I confess that I drank with some of my friends that small cask of Spanish wine you received as a present some days ago, and that it was I who made that opening in the cask, and spilled some water on the ground round it, to make you believe that all the wine had leaked out.

LEA
What! scoundrel, it was you who drank my Spanish wine, and who suffered me to scold the servant so much, because I thought it was she who had played me that trick?

SCA
Yes, Sir; I am very sorry, Sir.

LEA
I am glad to know this. But this is not what I am about now.
SCA
It is not that, Sir?

LEA
No; it is something else, for which I care much more, and I will have you tell it me.

SCA
I do not remember, Sir, that I ever did anything else.

LEA
(trying to strike SCAPIN). Will you speak?

SCA
Ah!

OCT
(keeping back LÉANDRE). Gently.

SCA
Yes, Sir; it is true that three weeks ago, when you sent me in the evening to take a small watch to the gypsy {Footnote: Égyptienne. Compare act v. scene ii. Bohémienne is a more usual name.} girl you love, and I came back, my clothes spattered with mud and my face covered with blood, I told you that I had been attacked by robbers who had beaten me soundly and had stolen the watch from me. It is true that I told a lie. It was I who kept the watch, Sir.

LEA
It was you who stole the watch?

SCA
Yes, Sir, in order to know the time.

LEA
Ah! you are telling me fine things; I have indeed a very faithful servant! But it is not this that I want to know of you.

SCA
It is not this?

LEA
No, infamous wretch! it is something else that I want you to confess.

SCA
(aside). Mercy on me!

LEA
Speak at once; I will not be put off.

SCA
Sir, I have done nothing else.

LEA
(trying to strike SCAPIN). Nothing else?

OCT
(stepping between them). Ah! I beg....

SCA
Well, Sir, you remember that ghost that six months ago cudgelled you soundly, and almost made you break your neck down a cellar, where you fell whilst running away?

LEA
Well?

SCA
It was I, Sir, who was playing the ghost.

LEA
It was you, wretch! who were playing the ghost?

SCA
Only to frighten you a little, and to cure you of the habit of making us go out every night as you did.

LEA
I will remember in proper time and place all I have just heard. But I'll have you speak about the present matter, and tell me what it is you said to my father.

SCA
What I said to your father?

LEA
Yes, scoundrel! to my father.

SCA
Why, I have not seen him since his return!

LEA
You have not seen him?

SCA
No, Sir.

LEA
Is that the truth?

SCA
The perfect truth; and he shall tell you so himself.

LEA
And yet it was he himself who told me.

SCA
With your leave, Sir, he did not tell you the truth.