Hark! This is the night
Where Big Red Arthur tries to make it right
And I, I was a child
I couldn’t read, but I could see
And this is where Big Red Arthur
Slides down the chimney and lands on spikes
He lands on spikes (He lands on spikes!)
He will never, ever see Christmas!

And every single one of those business men
Who dine on their foie gras tonight
Drop drawers and count to ten
With a finger in your mouth, you bite!
Sometimes you watch the news
And you’ve seen terrible things
Sometimes you’ve got to choose
Which crooks the hangman swings
And I know Big Red Arthur is laughing
As he bids adieu, to this hideous world

Boxing Day, Mum and Dad
Explain police tape, it’s all so sad
Lies, more of the same
And the gifts that we were promised never came
So I, I walked into town
Threw rocks at windows and passed the time
I passed the time (I passed the time) (Time, time)
And I shall always never forget this
When suddenly a chill upon my neck takes form
As a bird made out of fire and snakes
And he gives me a strangest peck he says
‘Let’s go out for tea and cakes’
Sometimes you roll the dice, sometimes the dice roll you
Christmas can be so nice, but it can be awful too
And somewhere out there
There’s another Big Red Arthur
Greasing up his body
To go down the fume