All we ever wanted was a vault for all our stories
A place to stash the grievances of the Lib, Dems and the Tories
So we took to the streets with baseball bats 'cause they never gave us none of that
They said "show us your appreciation for the loveliest man in town"
For the Loveliest man in town can't be found
Anywhere in town

Inside the church sleeps the vicar
Dreaming of young boys and a clown
It doesn't get much sicker
Until the viceroy comes to town

He knows not what he's walking into but he'll surely come around
Forced to come to Jesus and to weep beneath his crown

'Cause it's impossible to pin him down
He's the loveliest man in town...

Allow me to interject here, to lessen the stress and strife
I've lived in this town for forty years
It's been the best forty years of me life
And, oh, we watch our gardens glow
And cups of tea happen...

All the pubs have been shuttered
All the sinners have done sinned
The last insults have all been muttered
And the rubbish blows in the wind
A barmaid on her way back home
Happens upon a weak piss rome
She helps him to his feet
And she turns him back around
He said "Hey what's with that awful frown
I'm the loveliest man in town"

The loveliest man in town...
The loveliest man in town...
The loveliest man in town...