I don't support a football team
And I can't hold my beer
I subscribe to Heat magazine
And I quite like Ikea
I'm good at ironing
I like films with Meg Ryan in

'Cause I'm like a bird in every single way
I don't know where my car is
I don't know where my phone is
And everyone tells me that I'm like a bird in every single way
I don't know where my bag is
I don't know where my flat is

Trisha, that's a show I don't miss
And I've got no sense of direction
I sit down when I take a piss
I care about contraception
I attend yoga classes
And I worry how big my arse is

'Cause I'm like a bird in every single way
I don't know how my phone works
I don't know how my car works
And everyone tells me that I'm like a bird in every single way
I don't understand rugby
Why does nobody love me?