Help wanted
Do you want to pay the bills?
Help wanted
Have unnecessary skills?
If a house is barely haunted, do you think it's really real
Fill out an application, just be patient, you know the drill
Help wanted
Do you want to pay the bills?
Help wanted
Have unnecessary skills?
If a house is barely haunted, do you think it's really real
Fill out an application, just be patient, you know the drill

As a veteran, I was settling into a life of self-pity
Living with my mother in my favorite city
She started getting on my case about wasting my life
I missed the action of the Air Force and the feeling of flight
"Get a job", she demanded, so I picked up the papers
Saw an ad that wasn't bad; at least I wasn't a waiter
I was trained in computers, I was fit and athletic
I was tired of being a loser and feeling pathetic
So I went and interviewed; I was a dude without options
The more questions she asked, the more my mind flashed caution
Do you believe in UFOs? Yeah, I've had my fair share
Clairvoyance, ESP, do you believe in what isn't there?
Atlantis and the Lochness, I was honestly scared
But I was desperate and upset with just chilling in chairs
So I said, "The pay is steady, then I'm willing and able"
She said, "You're hired." I was wired, I was suddenly stable
Help wanted
Do you want to pay the bills?
Help wanted
Have unnecessary skills?
If a house is barely haunted, do you think it's really real
Fill out an application, just be patient, you know the drill
Help wanted
Do you want to pay the bills?
Help wanted
Have unnecessary skills?
If a house is barely haunted, do you think it's really real
Fill out an application, just be patient, you know the drill

I met the dudes in my crew, they were slimy and stinky
Took my down in the basement, showed me a really big twinkie
I started thinking the back of the bible was entirely right
I started seeing crazy shit that will turn you white
The dead rising from the grave, this is totally the end of days
At least I was getting paid, in spite of my mental state
Better than telling fortunes in Coney Island with a cape
Better than birthday parties where I wasn't offered any cake
No occupation's perfect, I'm determined and devoted
Found a God in a painting and a spectral locomotive
Sometimes the slime I find is the slime I can not handle
But I'm about to, said love jesus's style, his smile, his sandals
God is watching over me; protecting me from dangers
Sometimes it's up to me to bust a beast with binding lasers
I have tools, I have talent, it's a challenge when you're chosen
But I was born to bust a ghost, and all those chodes who oppose us
Help wanted
Do you want to pay the bills?
Help wanted
Have unnecessary skills?
If a house is barely haunted, do you think it's really real
Fill out an application, just be patient, you know the drill
Help wanted
Do you want to pay the bills?
Help wanted
Have unnecessary skills?
If a house is barely haunted, do you think it's really real
Fill out an application, just be patient, you know the drill