Whoa whoa

Mermaid (that's right)
Mermaid (mermaid...)
Mermaid in mermaid
Mermaid

Mermaid murmur into my ear
The answers to questions I want you to hear
Like does it relax you to hear the sound of the land? (whoa oh)
Do you all mermaid have slight webbed hands? (that must be freaky)

Is it normal for a guy to wear scuba apparatus when he makes love in the sea? (make love to me)
Make love to him
Would it be weird for you if I touched your fishy half? cause it would for me

Whoa whoa
Waii-yah, waii-ya
Whoa whoa
Ooh ah ooh ooh

Do you have mermaid parties beneath the sea? (and am I invited?)
At these mermaid parties do you smoke seaweed? (if so, then how do you light it?)
Are you the answer to a drunken sailor's lonely wish? (shhh)
Or are you an optical illusion caused by a woman sitting on a rock, holding half a fish? (half a shapely halibut)
(everybody) whoa whoa
Waii-yah, waii-ya
Whoa whoa
Ooh ah ooh ooh

[pause]

Oh fish-like lady!
Oh lady-like fish!
I don't think so bro, she's a lady lady lady lady lady
No no she's a fish that's just a little bit lady-ish! (yeah)

Speaking:

Jermaine: You wish. Fish is your favorite dish
Bret: Let me let you in on a secret: that night the mermaid and I, we had a little bit of dinner together
J: Oh yeah, what did you have?
B: (beat) ...Caviar
J: Oh ya see? She's a lady! (Cymbals Crash in a "TSS!" sound)
B: Yeah well she would have been if she hadn't laid them! (TSS!) (yeah!)
J: But surely, surely Bret the fact that she has breasts would indicate that she's, um, capable of producing milk for her young? Um, making her a mammal, you know, mammary glands making her a woman, really, um and in effect, a lady. (TSS!)
B: Well, let's just say she definitely had breasts! (TSS!) (Ooh! Ow! Yeah, ooh!) (TSS!)
J: How did you know? Did you grope her? (TSS!)
B: (Ooh!) No way, she'd have battered me! (TSS!) She'd only just left school! (TSS!) (ooh! thank you, yeah!)

One two three four!
Whoa whoa whoa whoa
Waiiiiiiioooo, waiiiiioooo