If I could walk, I'd be a miner
If I could talk, I'd be a preacher

If I was a preacher
Tell you what: I'd save a million souls, even you
If I was a miner
Tell you what: I'd be a damn good one

This ain't a record
Neither a joke
Got us all worked up

And left us naked out here in the sun

You could say it's sad
I attach no importance to it
Just because of my hand
Just because of my shriveled little hand
I couldn't be a baseball player

Doesn't surprise me now
Even though we had a map
Took three days to find
Local rednecks stare
Taylor from Pismo
At the dog and pony show