So tell me, when you took the Practice Scholastic Aptitude Test
Did you know the answers or did you just guess?
You rely on gimmicks to amuse your fans
And act all urban to jack-up your sound-scan
What's the matter with you? How come you rhyme monosyllabically?
Is atrophy shrinking your entire vocabulary?
Your style's like garbage cans meant to be taken out on a weekly basis
Ever since your first record you've been in a state of suspended animation
You look like Snuffalupagus and Australopithecus
Me Cray, you abacus
But enough about you, let's talk about me
And how single-handedly I redefined the science of radio astronomy
Making Nobel prize winners question their notions of reality
Oh, but I digress… you play Sorry, I play chess
King's pawn to b3, checkmate, go get some Percocets

Careful with that mic, Weezy
Do you really think it's that easy?

Mmmm… this is really good ice cream! you want some of it?
Oh, my bad, I didn't know you were lactose intolerant
Makes you pass gas, frightens all the girls away
Only friends you keep are those you pay
Always on the ready for the wack snack attack
I carry sandwiches around in a straight-edge style Jansport backpack
Got the gadget Q gave Bond. Take control of your mind and make you jump in a pond
Go "quack quack" and flap your arms, leave you confused, but completely unharmed
Careful with that mic, Weezy
Do you really think it's that easy?
Do you really think it's true
That up above they can't hear you?

Now both you and I know that the past ten years have been rather intense
I'm ashamed to admit that I've been fooled by the seductions of violence
People walking around with ugly auras
At times I'm even tempted to seek the advice of Dr. Laura
But I ignore her

So I take a deep breath and count to ten
Ain't gonna let it get under my skin
Take a deep breath and count to ten
Think of all the nice places that I’ve been

Like back when I was waging peace against the Visigoths
I was tutored in the ancient mysteries by a wizened philosophe
Learned the polyrhythm of celestial time
And wait for the one to come and get it done to finish the rhyme

Careful with that mic, Weezy
Do you really think it's that easy?
Do you really think it's true
That up above they can't hear you?