I can break your heart with a work of art
And a song that's quiet and small
But we're back where we began it all: Radio City Music Hall
So tonight we might go bigger
That right, it's bigger
It's Broadway's greatest night, and we're rarin' to go
Let's make it bigger
Tonight it's bigger
Who will take home a Tony statue? We don't know!
I guarantee a truly legendary show

This season's new recruits include the cast of Kinky Boots
You know, they're beautiful and buff as Navy SEALs
And you could bounce a quarter off the ass of Billy Porter
Lord, he does eight shows a week in eight inch heels
Hats off to Berry Gordy, he runs Motown like a boss
He dominates Top 40 and he banged Diana Ross!
He wrote his own libretto, which is really kinda ballin'
He took every Motown classic and he said "Ah, I'll put 'em all in."

Make it bigger (It's bigger)
That's right, it's bigger (It's bigger)
I just learned this dance like half an hour ago
We're going bigger (It's bigger)
Like, so much bigger (So much bigger!)
You ever seen so many divas in a row? (Hell, no!)
Well stick with me, 'cause your emcee's a seasoned pro
(Go, Neil, go!)
It's Pippin! Never slippin', always flippin'
As he's pinin' for his corner of the sky
But the sky is over crowded with his oh-so-highly-touted cast of singing circus people flying by
The cast of Bring It On had count 'em thirty two debuts
Hey kids, welcome to Broadway, don't forget your union dues.
In tandem like we planned 'em
Forgive me if it's random
But Mike Tyson had a one-man show
Let's give the man a hand and make things bigger
(Make it bigger!)
That's right it's bigger (So much bigger!)
I'm here with Iron Mike
He's heavy weight, yo
Let's make it bigger
Tonight it's bigger
Hey we've got cheerleaders, contortionists, and so
Go find a sports bar, change the channel to our show
(Go! Neil, go!)

The magical Matildas stole the show and nearly killed us
So they got a special Tony of their own,
Which strikes at the Achilles of the jaded former Billys
They get Tonys but get fired when they're grown
Now here's the kids from Christmas Story, Annie and her orphans
So many child actors high on Red Bull and endorphins
They barely come up to your knees, but God, they're singing like MVPs
And they're the reason this whole season seems to look like Chuck E. Cheese
And jeez it's bigger (It's bigger)
That's right it's bigger (It's bigger)
Is there a Tony daycare where all of you go?
You're getting bigger (When we're bigger)
Tonight it's bigger (We're bigger)
So do your parents set aside your Broadway dough? (Heck, no!)
When I played Doogie...never mind, on with the show
(Go, Neil, Go!)
Oh! Broadway's where famous people go
Though being famous doesn't mean that you will get a good review
So Alec, write Ben Brantley if you want "that's entertaining" too
We've got magic to do!

Bigger (Bigger)
That's right it's bigger (It's bigger)
I'm walkin' down the aisle with some Newsies in tow
Ya know it's bigger (It's bigger)
Yeah, so much bigger (We're bigger!)
If there's a Newsie you prefer, you let me know
You'll get a Newsie in your gift bag when you go!

[spoken]
It's true. It's true, there's like 150 of those punks. Oh wait, oh wait, check this out. Can I have my Tom Hooper 'Les Miz' closeup please? See, on Broadway we don't need extreme closeups to prove we're singing live. We sing live eight shows a week. Check it!

[sung]
At the end of the day we are gathered together to honor the best and the brightest
And tomorrow the fashion police will report on your dress and who wore it the tightest
If you win, have the time of your life
Tell your manager, dad, and your mom, "Thanks."
Say hi to your kids and your husband or wife
Maybe just for the hell of it, Tom Hanks!
Nothing is bigger and better than seeing a veteran get an ovation or seeing a brilliant beginner freak out on a win on their first nomination
There's a kid in the middle of nowhere who's sitting there, living for Tony performances singin' and flippin' along with the Pippins and Wickeds and Kinkys, Matildas and Mormonses
So we might reassure that kid and do something to spur that kid
'Cause I promise you all of us up here tonight
We were that kid and now we're bigger
(It's bigger)
Tonight it's bigger (Tonight it's bigger)
So let's create the biggest spectacle we know!
Come see the super sexy Cinderella sisters celebrating
Ladies grab a fella, the tempo is accelerating
Spidey, Pippin, Motown, Phantom, Kinky, Rock of Ages
Chicago, Bring it On, A Christmas Story sharing stages
Mamma Mia, Lion King, The Jersey Boys are tappin'
Kathie Lee's a Broadway lyricist, so anything can happen
Bigger!
New York is bigger!
So welcome to our bigger better
Best of Broadway Tony Show!