I slept with someone
Who handled Kurt Cobain's intervention
He taught me all these tantric moves
And he's really good at Frenchin'

He's vibrant and creative
And makes salads that have flowers
He slathers me in oils
And massages me for hours
...and hours...and hours

He's caring and supportive
And gives me his full attention
I slept with someone
Who handled a dead rock star's intervention

Finally, a grown-up who always pays his bills
He's got insurance, self-assurance
Marketable skills
He's not like all the others:
Only one thing on the brain
But if I had my druthers
I'd have slept with Kurt Cobain

I slept with someone
Who handled Kurt Cobain's intervention
A fact which all too often
He's all too glad to mention

And what is there to brag about
I wouldn't go and shout it
'Cause it really didn't go so well
When you think about it

But I won't think about it
Or why my jaw keeps clenchin'
Or the fact that when he's mounting me
I feel this mounting tension

I slept with someone
Who handled Kurt Cobain's intervention