Mean Mr. Mustard sleeps in the park
Shaves in the dark
Trying to save paper

Sleeps in a hole in the road
Saving up to buy some clothes
Keeps a ten-bob note up his nose

He's such a mean old man
He's such a mean old man

His sister Shelly works in a shop
She never stops
She's a go-getter

Takes him out to look to look at the Queen
The only place that he's ever been
Always shouts out something obscene

He's such a dirty old man
He's such a dirty old man

Hey Mean Mr. Mustard
Such a dirty, dirty Mean Mr. Mustard
Such a dirty, dirty Mean Mr. Mustard
Mean Mr. Mustard sleeps in the park
Shaves in the dark
Trying to save paper

Sleeps in a hole in the road
Save enough to buy some clothes
Keeps a ten-bob note up his nose

[Outro]

Such a mean old man
Such a mean old man...