[Verse 1: Paul McCartney]
Joan was quizzical; studied pataphysical science in the home
Late nights all alone with a test tube, oh, oh, oh, oh
Maxwell Edison, majoring in medicine calls her on the phone
"Can I take you out to the pictures, Joa-oa-oa-oan?"
But as she's getting ready to go, a knock comes on the door

[Chorus: Paul McCartney]
Bang! Bang! Maxwell's silver hammer came down upon her head
Klang! Klang! Maxwell's silver hammer made sure that she was dead

[Verse 2: Paul McCartney]
Back in school again Maxwell plays the fool again
Teacher gets annoyed
Wishing to avoid an unpleasant sce-e-e-ene
She tells Max to stay when the class has gone away
So he waits behind
Writing 50 lines "I must not be so, o, o, o"
But when she turns her back on the boy, he creeps up from behind

[Chorus: Paul McCartney]
Bang! Bang! Maxwell's silver hammer came down upon her head
(Do-do-do-do)
Klang! Klang! Maxwell's silver hammer made sure that she was dead

[Bridge: Paul McCartney]
[Verse 3: Paul McCartney]
[Forgets words]
Painting testimonial pictures, oh, oh, oh, oh
[Forgets name] and Valerie, screaming from the gallery, say he must go free
[Laughing] does not agree and he tells them so-o-o-o
But as the words are leaving his lips, a noise comes from behind

[Chorus: Paul McCartney]
Bang! Bang! Maxwell's silver hammer came down upon his head
Klang! Klang! Maxwell's silver hammer made sure he was dead

[Outro: Paul McCartney]