[Intro: Press Release]
In today's music news: the ever-controversial Tupac Shakur has just released another album under the alias "Makaveli." Music insiders are running wild trying to rearrange other artists' street dates in fear of a wipeout in retail inter-chart movement. Although no one knows the exact cause of the new album, resources tell me a number of less fortunate rappers have joined together in conspiracy to assassinate the character of not only Mr. Shakur but of Death Row Records as well. Nas, the alleged ring leader, is furious at 2Pac's – excuse me – Makaveli's verbal assault on Mobb Sleep, Notorious P.I.G., and several other New York rappers. JAY-Z from "Hawaiian Sophie" fame, Big Little whatever, and several other corny-sounding motherfuckers are understandably shaken up by this release. The question everybody wants to know is: why'd they get this n***a started? 2Pac – rather Makaveli – was not available for comment but released this statement:

[Spoken: 2Pac]
It's not about East or West
It's about n***as and bitches
Power and money, ridaz and punks
Which side are you on?
*Heartbeat* *Gunshots*
*Encroaching footsteps*
These n***as is still fuckin' talkin'?
You n***as still breathin'? Fuckin' roaches
A'ight, it's the Raid on cockroaches
Punk motherfuckers, this is it (Makaveli The Don)
Killuminati Style (All day) (Up in your ass)
(Bomb first) (Outlaw Ridahz) Solo shit, bring it!

[Verse 1: 2Pac]
Allow me to introduce first: Makaveli the Don
Hysterical, spiritual lyrics like The Holy Qur'an
N***as get shook like 5-0
My .45 is next to me when we ride, for survival
Money-makin' plans, pistol close at hand, swollen pockets
Let me introduce the topic, then we drop it
Expose snakes ‘cause they breed freely
See me rise, located worldwide like the art of graffiti
I think I'm tougher than Nitti, my attitude is shitty
Born on a dope fiend's titty, huh, in every city
You'll find me, look for trouble right behind me
My Outlaw n***as down to die for me, nah'mean?
I hit the scene, n***as duckin' from my guillotine stare
I'm right there, my every word a fuckin' nightmare
Get me high, let me see the sun rise and fall
This for my dogs, down to die for y'all
Extreme venom, no mercy when we all up in ’em
Cut ’em down, to Hell is where we send ’em
My whole team trained to explode, ride or die
Murder motherfuckers lyrically and I'm not gon' cry
Me, a born leader, never leave the block without my heater
Two big pits, I call them "my bitch-n***a eaters"
And not a whimper until I'm gone
Thug Life runnin' through my veins so I'm strong
Bye, bye, bye, let's get high and ride
Oh, how do we do these n***as, but I'm not gon' cry
I'm a Bad Boy killer, Jay-Z die too
Lookin' out for Mobb Deep, n***a, when I find you
Weak motherfuckers don't deserve to breathe
How many n***as down to die for me? Yay-yay!
West Coast rider, comin' right behind ya
Should have never fucked with me
I want money, hoes, sex and weed
I won't rest until my road dog's free – bomb first
[Chorus 1: 2Pac]
We bomb first when we ride
Please reconsider 'fore you die
We ain't even come to hurt nobody tonight
But it's my life or your life, and I'ma bomb first
We bomb first when we ride
Please reconsider 'fore you die
We ain't even come to fight tonight
But it's my life or your life, and I'ma bomb first

[Verse 2: E.D.I. Mean with 2Pac, 2Pac]
For so many days, in so many ways we've been duckin' strays
They delivers, but still we some Bad Boy killers
Got nuttin' to lose, I gots nowhere to go
I only got one home, see me stranded on Death Row
With Outlawz, it's Makaveli be the general
And I be a soldier on a mission, sent to do what you'll never do
And that's ride for the cause, yes, I'll die for the cause
You best believe, if I'ma leave this bitch, yo I'm dyin' with yours
Kamikaze, sicker than a ma'fuckin' Nazi
Got a little question for that n***a that made "Paparazzi"
If you ain't in this rap game for the motherfuckin' cash, mane
Then what is your motherfuckin' purpose? None can serve us
E.D.I. Mean, born worthless
That's until the day, I decided to bomb first, bitch (Biatch!)
[Bridge: 2Pac]
Come on, bring it, down with it!
(We ride)
Come on, bring it
(Bomb first when we ride)
Hey, get that n***a!

[Verse 3: Young Noble]
Your style wack as ever, like you was rockin' patent leather
Causin' massive terror, y'all n***as lack, you ain't thorough
Half rapper, half drug kingpin, you're tellin' fairy tales, dunn
"King of New York" like you the motherfuckin' one?
But I'm from Jers', we don't play that shit
From the Clair down to Newark Bricks all my n***as flippin’ chips
Gettin’ rich, even though it's hard
Tryna creep through these halls and brawls without scarred by a revolve'
With no warning signs, ‘cause yo, my man took five
Now I'm the youngin with the 9 ready to put in my time

[Interlude: 2Pac]
Shoot first, look at their head, burst bleeding
Don't want to hear no shit this evening, believe me

[Chorus 2: 2Pac]
We bomb first when we ride
Please reconsider 'fore you die
G's and thug n***as on the rise
Plan, plot, strategize, but bomb first
We bomb first when we ride
Please reconsider 'fore you die
G's and thug n***as on the rise
Plan, plot, strategize, and bomb first
[Segue to "Hail Mary"]
Let us pray, my n***a
'Cause we definitely have sinned