Souljah
Everytime I read your letters it makes me smile, think, laugh, and marvel at how easy it is 4 us 2 relate to one another (and that's no hustle.) It is my wish that when this letter reaches you it finds you and your family in safety and serenity. Now, where do I start? I'm sitting here with a fat stack of letters and through them all I immediately recognize your handwriting and know that you finally written me back and as usual it was worth the wait. This letter is hard to write because I'm editing as I write. I'm preoccupied with having any of my statements misjudged as "hustling"! :) First of all, let me answer your questions. #1. No, I don't mind long letters in fact I wish yours were longer and yes I would love to not only hear of your adventures but also share some of my own. Yes, I will write a book. Right now I'm writing 3 screenplays so upon my release I can recoup from my losses. Instead of complaining about bad movie roles or negative stereotypes I'm writing my own visions. As far as the book is concerned, I am working on doing an Autobiography but if it is at all possible I want us to do a book together. That would truly be the "BOMB"! Let me just tell you ever since I've read your book it has been going from person to person like a bible. Everybody from male inmates to female inmates have been reading it. I get a sense of pride at being the person to turn them on to your literary talents. Plus, I use your book with the women in my life. I have asked two females to read it and we use each chapter as a door to our own lives. Like the chapter on Nikki is my favorite. I was trying over the past few months to this female in my life why it was so hard 4 me 2 trust her regardless of how sweet and innocent she portrayed herself to be and only after reading that chapter did she finally understand. This is some personal shit but I feel as though I can trust you so.... Okay there's that chapter where you were contemplating sharing this man with another woman. I'm in that position now. I love one woman (A) because she's dependable, loving, supportive, and she's young and open to me guiding her through this crazy life (Who am I 2 guide?) Anyway woman "A" is from the streets and that's all she knows but I can see and feel how much she loves me. Woman "B" on the other hand is famous, rich, and able to assist me financially, loving, and very sexual. She's known me since before I got into the business and she's been there from the jump. However, she's bisexual and so into her career that we don't have much time together. So I'm literally torn between an old friend who went from being of a platonic nature to a potential wife and a new friend who has been there through the whole gunshot/rape/near death experience. I have rejected them both but then reconsidered and got 'em both back. They know of the other and I have tried to make it work as a threesome. Not sexually but commitment wise. Had I not read your book I would have continued living and juggling with all of these other women but between them both I completely satisfied. I've always felt that when I love someone it is so intense that I drive them away but with "A" and "B" it evens everything out. I can satisfy both of them and not because I'm a "Supermanlove" but because I truly love them both and the intensity and passion I feel for them keeps me driven to please them. Can u feel me? It's hard to explain on paper maybe when you visit me I can elaborate which brings me to my next step. Yes I would love 4 u 2 come visit me there isn't a list but there are certain days and times for each inmate. I'll attempt to reach you by phone to make it happen. Now back to me controlling my sexual desires. Now be honest, as a woman, how could you love a man that couldn't satisfy you? Since men are born totally inept sexually we only learn how 2 please a woman from pleasing a woman. So as rotten as it seems practice makes perfect. Every woman I have been with has not only taken what I learned from the last woman but taught me and prepared me for the next and since I am not married and yet to find the perfect woman you described I am forever in search of her. I have been with many married women from wives of powerful drug lords to the wives of broke everyday Joes to the wives of quite a few very famous and rich singers/actors and seeing their wives hungry for someone else has shown me that only by being able to completely satisfy a woman in every way, shape, and form can I truly find a happy and trusting faithful relationship. Now to answer your other questions. My health is fine I truly feel blessed that other than mentally I have no scars or lasting problems from my "ordeal". I still have the complete use of every nerve, limb, and muscle and more surprisingly I can still make love and have babies after taking a shot to my scrotum! Talk about faith in God! :)! Mentally however the helpless feeling never leaves me. I can't sleep! I wake up sweaty and disorientated when I do doze off and I will never erase the faces of my attackers from my mind. 2 be honest the bullets didn't hurt much not at first but afterwards it was painful. I didn't feel the shots in my head, hand, scrotum but because of all the muscles involved the leg wound was a real bitch! I don't really have any gun phobias meaning if it happened again I would react the same way. The pain came as I lay in the hospital thinking about the fact that some "Thug" brothers shot me. Then to hear I was found guilty of something I had not done plus wondering if my family was safe SCARED ME! Even with 5 gunshot wounds my paranoid ass was still sleeping with a 12 gauge and a Glock. I never planned to turn myself in I planned on shooting it out but upon further reflection I realized I owed alot to my people. Although I would have been at peace, the misery of our folks would continue. Besides I'm a Soldier and Soldiers use strategy not emotion no matter how bad the odds!