[Verse 1]
When you ask, "Who's the cutie with the big brown eyes?"
I say, "That's Cameron Dallas, just some Internet guy"
"And who's that man with a drink in his hand?"
I say, "That's Shay Carl, I wonder who he's texting?"

[Pre-Chorus 1]
It's the Internet's biggest night
For the A-list of the D-list
We're like other award shows without the budget
Or reason to exist

[Chorus 1]
You wouldn't wanna be me
Me being at the Streamys
The fourth Jonas Brother of award shows

[Verse 2]
But Jon, specifically who are all of these people?
Well, I'm glad you asked
Most of them are New York Times best-selling authors, don't you read?!
That's totally fine, neither do they
And hey, Connor Franta is here, so stylish and chic
Even his butthole's Millennial Pink
How about Casey Neistat, the Internet's Sean Penn
A fearless counterculturalist, now works for CNN
[Pre-Chorus 2]
And Snapchat is to Insta stories as Lilly Singh is to Liza
They do the same thing, just one did it first
But now people prefer the other

[Chorus 2]
You wouldn't wanna be me
Me being at the Streamys
The Chipotle queso of award shows

[Bridge]
And if you're wondering why I haven't mentioned your name
Or the likes of Tyler Oakley or Hannah Hart
Well, don't you worry, your careers will be featured
During the "In Memoriam" part

[Verse 3]
We all love Jenna Marbles, her chihuahuas, her shih tzus
Her next challenge video's "100 Layers of Daddy Issues"
And if you mistake Dodie Clark for a girl of 15
No worries, Dodie Clark tends to do the same thing
And hey, Shane Dawson is here, up for "Creator of the Year"
Spent half of his career in Blackface

[Chorus 3]
You wouldn't wanna be me
Eager to leave the Streamys
The Phantom Menace of award shows
The Streamys
The Teen Choice Awards for everyone who wasn't invited to the Teen Choice Awards
The Streamys
It's the Streamys of award shows