[PAPYRUS]
It's time for my big number, Sans! Hit it!

[SANS]
Okay

(Sans is heard punching a tree.)

[PAPYRUS]
Sans, I meant play the music!

[SANS]
Okay

(Sans plays the trombone)

[PAPYRUS]
SANS!

[SANS]
Okay, now let's see here... Okay, here's the play button

[PAPYRUS]
Ready for this brother?!

[SANS]
I don't think anyone could be prepared for this
[PAPYRUS]
Shut up, Sans! You just don't understand perfection!

Attention, human! My name is Papyrus
I'm a skeleton made with magic, bones, and lots of cool
If you need proof, then look at my biceps
Because they're wearing sunglasses, and that clearly means I rule

My cooking skills unrivaled when it comes to spaghеtti
With sauce and pasta, noodles extra long
And not a singlе creature has survived a dish

[SANS]
The kid just walked right past it

[PAPYRUS]
Sans! Don't interrupt my song!

It takes a special kind of perfection
Just to match what I have been without ever having tried
And that's why Undyne wants me in the Royal Guard

[SANS]
But aren't you still in training?

[PAPYRUS]
Hey, that doesn't mean I lied!
So if you think that we can be pals
Then you had better be prepared for immense amounts of fun!
But since you're human, then I'm afraid you will be captured–

[SANS]
But you're trying to make friends with one

[PAPYRUS]
SANS! Stop plaguing my number with incidental lyrics!

[SANS]
I think they sounded pretty cool

[PAPYRUS]
Well, I thought they sounded like NOT PAPYRUS!
Which is the worst kind of sound to be!

[SANS]
Oh, sorry then...

[PAPYRUS]
It's okay, Sans. I already forgave you!
Come on! Let's go get some Nice Cream!

[SANS]
Huh. The flash pots're all primed and ready
I think that's the first time he's successfully cooked something
[PAPYRUS]
You're officially unforgiven, Sans!

[SANS]
Well, the song's not over
You better get ready for your next verse

[PAPYRUS]
I was born ready!

It takes a special kind of perfection
Just to match what I have been without ever having tried
And that's why I'm the greatest Royal Guardsman
Or at least one that's in training, but that still fills me with pride

So if you think that we can be pals
Then you had better be prepared for immense amounts of fun!
Where are you going, human? We're supposed to be fighting!
Why do you think this song is done?

Oh, I knew it, Sans. Not even the human respects me!

[SANS]
Hey, bro, bro, that's not true. A lot of people like you

[PAPYRUS]
How do you know?

[SANS]
I wouldn't have arranged this orchestra rendition if they didn't
Hit it, boys!

[PAPYRUS]
Sans, this is-

[SANS]
Yep. Knock 'em dead, bro. Prove you're bad to the bone!

[PAPYRUS]
Come on then, human, let's see if you can keep up
With the great Papyrus in this moment of truth!
It won't be easy, you'll have to do actual work
Unlike my lazybones brother in his booth!

[SANS]
Hey!

[PAPYRUS]
You're doing great so far, little human
But since I'm a skeleton, I'm not getting tired at all!
Okay, maybe, I'm losing some breath
But not quite as much as you, wait, be careful! Do not fall!

This is the longest any human's lasted to me-

[SANS]
That's because you haven't met one yet

[PAPYRUS]
So maybe we can take a little break
And lie down for a bit?
NO! Papyrus never rests!

I fooled you, human! Papyrus does not do things with his eyes closed and snoring!

[SANS]
Bro, that's called sleep-

[PAPYRUS]
Bring out the back up dancers!

Stop right there human, listen to me
I am the great Papyrus, and you will never be free!
I'll keep you here, enraptured by puzzles
Unless you want to leave, and ask me really nicely!

It takes a special kind of perfection
To be me, an okay guardsman (in training) filled with pride
Undyne might be mad, but I don't care
Because I made a new friend, or at least I really tried!

So if you think that we can be pals
Then you had better be prepared for immense amounts of fun
Just like it seems, you were prepared for this battle
'Cause I'm nearly out of lyrics and I'm almost done!

What did you say? You want to be friends?

[SANS]
Pal-lease, I knew it'd happen

[PAPYRUS]
SANS JUST STOP IT WITH THE PUNS!

This day is great, I've got a new friend, and it's a human!

[SANS]
I knew that you'd make friends with one

Uh, there's the flash pot
Thanks, guys. Take five