[Verse 1: Aleks]
On considering religion
And military conscription
Is the moment
I realise
I am stuck

[Verse 2: Gareth & Aleks]
Asserting ourselves at traffic lights
In foreign countries in the very dead of night
Is the moment
I realise
I am stuck

[Chorus: Aleks]
Uh-oh, uh-oh, uh-oh, uh-oh, this is the end of the asterisk
Babe, that punk's got nothing on me, this is the end of the footnote

[Post-Chorus: Gareth]
Extorting money
From your parents
Your disgusting parents

[Verse 2: Gareth]
Honestly, you're an absolute waste of time
Craving attention with your self-deprecation
I'll tell you one thing
It's spot on
And I'm better
[Chorus: Aleks]
Uh-oh, uh-oh, uh-oh, uh-oh, this is the end of the asterisk
Babe, that punk's got nothing on me, this is the end of the footnote

[Post-Chorus: Gareth]
Extorting money
From your parents
Your disgusting parents

[Verse 3: Gareth]
Honestly, you are an absolute tragedy
Not like 'heroically' in all of the books you read
I read your novella
Oh, how I laughed
Killed off the lot of them