[Spoken Intro: Gareth]
This song is about your girlfriend, it's called "Songs About Your Girlfriend"

[Verse 1: Gareth]
You do not like us 'cause your girlfriend likely does
And all your friends agree on her soft-spot for me
I'll have my hard hands over her soft spot soon, you will see
And if you want a list of all her favourite bits
The next time I am free, quite comprehensively
I will scrawl them all down for you as an apology
Tell her the times we shared that broke have been repaired
Cinders of our old jokes have once again been stoked
But with a different girl, funnier now they've been rehearsed

[Pre-Chorus: Gareth, Gareth & Kim]
All night, hung on your every word
'Til we were interrupted by the birds
Singing, "Oh, your mask is slipping
Oh, your mask is slipping"

[Chorus: Gareth & Tom, Gareth & Kim]
Songs I've written about your girlfriend
Are just psalms of spite since it came to an end
'Cause I never made her smile like that
And she never made me smile right back
Although I always made her purr like a cat
She said I never made her smile like that
[Verse 2: Gareth]
She stubbed her home club's crest on me with cigarettes
A swift that matched the bird upon her football shirt
She would lift the hem, she would wear that thing like a skirt
The last time I was there, she let me wear her clothes
She painted my lips red, so that we both ensured
I kiss her every inch, my god, the girl looked like she burned

[Pre-Chorus: Gareth, Gareth & Kim]
All night, hung on your every word
'Til we were interrupted by the birds
Singing, "Oh, your mask is slipping
Oh, your mask is slipping"

[Chorus: Gareth & Tom, Gareth & Kim]
Songs I've written about your girlfriend
Are just psalms of spite since it came to an end
All these songs I've written about your girlfriend
Are just killing time while my heart is on the mend
'Cause I never made her smile like that
And she never made me smile right back
Although I always made her purr like a cat
She said I never made her smile like that

[Spoken Outro: Gareth]
I know you guys get excited when the glockenspiel comes to the front. You think, it's gonna be a, it's gonna be an old song, yeah, but this is not like the old days. All your, all the pets you had when this band formed are now dead, we're, we're all uglier and, a couple of us substantially fatter than we were back then. All the football teams you supported seven years ago haven't won a trophy in that long a time and whats worse is that each and every one of you is gonna die alone...