[Verse 1: Gareth, Gareth & Aleks]
Word is you slept in a weird position
And your back and your shoulders are aching
I say my stomach is chewing its way out from the inside
'Cause I've gone three days now without eating
I died on a cross-trainer, getting in shape for you
I fell at the first hurdle, you tell me I always do
You asked if I'd be anyone from history
Fact or fiction, dead or alive
I said, "I'd be Tony Cascarino, circa 1995"

[Chorus: Aleks & Harriet]
We're feeling so much more content
Knowing where our allegiances lie
Since our kayfabe friends have upped and left, you and I

[Verse 2: Gareth, Aleks]
The time we spent around each others' waists
The time spent expressing my distaste
With my eyes on a lightbulb
I choose to keep your birthday present for myself
Blow candles, your ill health
I'm being paid thirty-five pounds an hour
As a specialist foot fetish model
Flatter my arches, I pirouette for them
I pick the angles, hide my ingrown toenail
You think you're the needle that drains the blood donation
You're just a repetition on an old, worn-out pin cushion
[Chorus: Aleks & Harriet]
We're feeling so much more content
Knowing where our allegiances lie
Since our kayfabe friends have upped and left, you and I

[Bridge: Gareth]
As the bus pulls away, I stare at the last field
Before we hit the city, that emotional minefield
I seduced your ex-boyfriend to help you get over him
You found him more attractive, it helped you get over me

[Chorus: Aleks & Harriet]
We're feeling so much more content
Knowing where our allegiances lie
Since our kayfabe friends have upped and left, you and I

[Verse 3: Gareth]
In the shower, I chew the soap bar
From the plastic, the morning after
I love the look of empathy in your eyes
I love the look of lust between your thighs