[Intro]
It's Christmastime
And you know what that means
All of my Christian friends
Are putting up their Christmas trees
And decorating 'em with tinsel
And all manner of jingle balls
They're waiting for a big red elf
That's right, I said a big red elf
Come down their chimneys
Impervious to the fires within
To skulk across the living room
And to leave under said trees
Wonderful, magical, glorious
Material possessions
Oh, I got to thinking about
This so-called, "Santa Claus"
Who lures you away
From the true meaning of Christmas
And uh, I've come up with a little bit of a theory
About who he might really be
I wanna share it with you
It goes something like this

[Verse 1]
Christmas is a special time
'Cause it's the birth of Christ
You could go worship him at Church
That would be nice
But instead you are home
And that is because
You're waiting for a jolly elf
They call Santa Claus
Some think he's a saint
I think it's a trick
How do you get from old Kris Kringle
To old Saint Nick?
Well this old feller's crafty
So, you must be quick
Take away the "Saint"
And all you got's Old Nick
(Wait a minute, that's another name for the Devil)
(It sure as Hell is)
[Chorus 1]
Santa Claus is Satan and it's clear to see
He don't mind the raging fires in your chimney
Oh, you took a pass on Christmas mass
Now you're home just waitin'
For an elf to bring you wealth
'Cause Santa Claus is Satan

[Interlude]
You don't believe me?
Are my views too extreme?
Check it out

[Verse 2]
He's got nine familiars
And they pull his sleigh
Don't you think it's strange
That a reindeer should float that way?
Rudolph, with your nose so bright
Tell me and don't lie
What kind of devilry would make a reindeer fly?
(Crack cocaine)
Oh, I know why

[Chorus 1]
Santa Claus is Satan and it's clear to see
He don't mind the raging fires in your chimney
Oh, you took a pass on Christmas mass
Now you're home just waitin'
For an elf to bring you wealth
'Cause Santa Claus is Satan
[Interlude]
Still not convinced?
Let me break it down
Into simple A-B-C's

[Chorus 2]
S-A-N-T-A is S-A-T-A-N
S-A-N-T-A is S-A-T-A-N
S-A-N-T-A, do I gotta say it again?
I'll do you one better
Just move one letter
And it's S-A-T-A-N

[Interlude]
He ain't even tryin'
That is some lazy Devil bullshit right there

[Verse 3]
So, if you're a Christian
Please listen to me
March into that living room
And chop down that Pagan tree
Get rid of that Yule log
And the mistletoe you see
'Cause unless you are a Pagan
Then it's just hypocrisy
[Chorus 2]
S-A-N-T-A is S-A-T-A-N
S-A-N-T-A is S-A-T-A-N, oh
S-A-N-T-A, do I gotta say it again?
I'll do you one better
Just move one letter
And it's S-A-T-A-N

[Chorus 1]
'Cause, Santa Claus is Satan and it's clear to see
He don't mind the raging fires in your chimney
Oh, you took a pass on Christmas mass
Now you're home just waitin'
For an elf to bring you wealth
'Cause Santa Claus is Satan

[Post-Chorus]
Santa Claus is Satan and it's clear to tell
Where did this red elf come from
You know the answer's Hell
He took a pass on Christmas mass
Now you're home just waitin'
For some imps to bring you gifts
'Cause Santa Claus is Satan
Santa Claus is Satan 'cause
Santa Claus is Satan

[Outro]
Merry Christmas
(Crack cocaine)