[Rachel Bloom]

[Spoken]
Hey guys, who wants to learn a hot new dance?

Ok, now step, and slide
And touch the wall
Touch the wall
Touch it again
Touch it again
Touch it one more time
Touch it one more time
Touch it again
Otherwise bad things will happen!

[Clapping and mumbling]
One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten, eleven, twelve, thirteen, fourteen, fifteen, sixteen

Woo!

Now slide to the right
Slide to the right
Slide to the right
Never to the left
Slide to the right
Never to the left
Turn around
Is there a rapist behind you?
Turn around
Are you sure there's not a rapist?
What's today's date?

[Backup singers]
It's the twenty-first!

[Rachel Bloom]
Is that divisible by seven?

[Backup singers]
Yes it is!

[Rachel Bloom]
Gotta buy a bag of twinkies

[Backup singers]
So your dog won't die!

[Rachel Bloom]
Your thoughts and actions have the power to alter the course of human existence!

[Clapping and mumbling]
One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten, eleven, twelve, thirteen, fourteen, fifteen, sixteen
[Verse 4]
Now wash your hands

[Backup singers]
Or your Dad'll get AIDS

[Rachel Bloom]
Wash your hands

[Backup singers]
What if he already has AIDS?

[Rachel Bloom]
Wash your hands

[Backup singers]
What if he gave you AIDS?

[Rachel Bloom]
Wash the AIDS off your hands
Wash the AIDS off your Dad

And stop! Did you leave the stove on?

[Backup singers, mumbling]
I don't know...
[Rachel Bloom]
Time to retrace your steps!

[Spoken]
Ok, so we washed the AIDS off our hands, we counted to sixteen, we bought some twinkies, slid to the right, slid to the right, slid to the right, slid to the right, count of sixteen again, touch the wall, touch the wall, touch the wall, touch the wall, touch the wall, touch the wall... oh, car, there's a car! Don't step on the cracks, don't step on the cracks...