[REBECCA]
When the moment's come to start anew
Set yourself free and finally do
The things in life that you are destined for
The first step is the hardest part
But that doesn't mean you shouldn't start
Take the leap and get right to it
Here's exactly how you do it:

You step out the door
Then back through the door
Sit on the floor and stare at the floor
Rock yourself until you feel okay

And carpe diem, carpe don't 'em
Time to grab life by the scrotum
But first, let's read some facts about stingrays
And then it's time to seize the day!

I wonder if the fridge needs cleaning
I haven't cleaned the fridge for a while
I'd hate to leave with a dirty fridge
Did I get it all? No, there's a smidge
Maybe I should get a new fridge online
Nope, never mind, now it's time to fly
Now I'll sit right here on my couch
Research fridges, I'm no slouch
It's getting dark, the time just got away

I could still go out, it's not too late
But first I need to masturbate
To some porn, preferably male and gay
And then it's time to seize the day

(Spoken interlude)
[THAD'S VOICE]
Hey, Brad, what are you doing in this locker room?

[BRAD'S VOICE]
Showering again. What are you doing here, Thad?

[THAD'S VOICE]
I play football here with you, remember?

[BRAD'S VOICE]
Yeah, I remember. Everyone get out. I gotta talk to Thad

[REBECCA]
These guys!

(Song)
You... just... take...
One step forward, two steps
No, two steps forward, four steps back
Five more steps back and now I'm back in bed
Okay, now I'm ready to go
They're delivering my new fridge, though
Where's that fridge? I can't wait around all day
I have to go out and make my big foray
Here I am, standing at the doorway
It's finally time to seize the day
(But first, more porn!)