As I went home on Monday night as drunk as drunk could be
I saw a horse outside the door where my old horse should be
Well, I called me wife and I said to her, "Will you kindly tell to me
Who owns that horse outside the door where my old horse should be?"

Ah, you're drunk!
You're drunk, you silly old fool
Still you can not see
That's a lovely sow that me mother sent to me
Well, it's many a day I've traveled—a hundred miles or more
But a saddle on a sow, sure, I never saw before

And as I went home on Tuesday night as drunk as drunk could be
I saw a coat behind the door where my old coat should be
Well, I called me wife and I said to her, "Will you kindly tell to me
Who owns that coat behind the door where my old coat should be?"

Ah, you're drunk!
You're drunk, you silly old fool
Still you can not see
That's a lovely woolen blanket that me mother sent to me
Well, it's many a day I've traveled—a hundred miles or more
But buttons in a blanket, sure, I never saw before

And, as I went home on Wednesday night as drunk as drunk could be
I saw a pipe up on the chair where my old pipe should be
Well, I called me wife and I said to her, "Will you kindly tell to me
Who owns that pipe upon the chair where my old pipe should be?"
Ah, you're drunk!
You're drunk, you silly old fool
Still you can not see
That's a lovely tin whistle that me mother sent to me
Well, it's many a day I've traveled—a hundred miles or more
But tobacco in a tin whistle, sure, I never saw before

And, as I went home on Thursday night as drunk as drunk could be
I saw two boots beneath the bed where my old boots should be
Well, I called me wife and I said to her, "Will you kindly tell to me
Who owns them boots beneath the bed where my old boots should be?"

Ah, you're drunk!
You're drunk, you silly old fool
Still you can not see
They're two lovely Geranium pots me mother sent to me
Well, it's many a day I've traveled—a hundred miles or more
But laces in Geranium pots, sure, I never saw before

And, as I went home on Friday night as drunk as drunk could be
I saw a head upon the bed where my old head should be
Well, I called me wife and I said to her, "Will you kindly tell to me
Who owns that head upon the bed where my old head should be?"

Ah, you're drunk!
You're drunk, you silly old fool
Still you can not see
That's a baby boy that me mother sent to me
Well, it's many a day I've traveled—a hundred miles or more
But a baby boy with his whiskers on, sure, I never saw before
Didilida, didilida, didilidadada