[FIONA, spoken]
There are things you don't know, ya know
About me, about how rough I had it

[SHREK, spoken]
What?
In that cushy tower of yours?

[FIONA, spoken]
Cushy? Are you kidding?

(sung)
I had nothing in that tower
Fighting boredom by the hour
Princess lonely, walking circles
I had only
Bare essentials, army cot
A hot plate and chamber pot
And every morning I would boil it
No choice, I had no toilet
Just a view of devastation
Out one window, isolation
In my bedroom
And very little headroom
Twenty years I sat and waited
I'm very dedicated
On the walls, the days were added
Luckily those walls were padded
So I think I got you beat, I think I got you beat
Yeah, yeah, yeah
I think I got you beat, I think I got you beat

[SHREK, spoken]
Oh, you think so
That was a sad story but

(sung)
I've heard better, I'm just saying
A for effort, thanks for playing
Sad to see a princess suffer
But I had it rougher
Like that time a mob with torches
Burned my britches, see the scorches
You're just whiney, I had a flaming hiney
As I fled, I had to wonder
If I were torn asunder
Would an ogre go to Heaven?
Did I mention I was seven?

So, I think I got you beat, I think I got you beat
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
I think I got you beat, I think I got you beat

[FIONA]
No warm regards
[SHREK]
No Christmas cards

[FIONA]
And everyday

[SHREK]
Was hell on earth day

[FIONA, spoken]
Okay, top this!
(sung)
I missed my prom

[Shrek]
My dad and mom sent me away
It was my birthday

[Fiona, spoken]
I was sent away on Christmas Eve, ha, ha

[BOTH]
Bare essentials, army cot (No warm regards)
A hot plate and chamber pot
And every morning I would boil it (No Christmas cards)
No choice, I had no toilet
Just a view of devastation (And every day)
Out one window, isolation (Was hell on earth day)
In my bedroom
And very little headroom
Twenty years I sat and waited ("I missed my prom!")
I'm very dedicated (My dad and mom sent me away)
On the walls the days were added
Luckily those walls were padded (It was my birthday)
Twenty years ("I missed my prom!")
My dad and mom sent me away
[FIONA]
So

[SHREK]
So

[BOTH]
I think I got you beat, I think I got you beat
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
I think I got you beat, I think I got you beat
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
I think I got you beat, I think I got you beat
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah

[SHREK, spoken]
Oopsie!
Oh well. Better out than in, I always say!
*chuckles*
Hmm, hmm, hmm, hmm
*burps*

[FIONA]
Hmm, hmm, hmm, hmm
*burps*

[SHREK]
Hmm, hmm, hmm, hmm, hmm
*burps*

[FIONA]
Hmm, hmm, hmm, hmm, hmm
*burps three times*
Na na na, na na na na

[SHREK]
Na na na, na na na na na
*burps rhythmically and farts*

[FIONA]
Oh! No!

[SHREK]
Watch out!

[FIONA]
Pull my finger! No no no, no no no!

[SHREK]
Whew!

[BOTH]
Yeah, yeah!
Yeah, yeah!
Yeah, yeah!
Yeah, yeah!