Jeanine Tesori
“Sometimes My Father Appeared to Enjoy Having Children...”
[ALISON]
Caption: Sometimes my father appeared to enjoy having children. But the real object of his affection was his house.​

[BRUCE]
I just got a call—Eleanor Baulkner, Allegheny Historical Society. She's calling about the house tour.​

[HELEN]
Oh! That's wonderful.​

[BRUCE]
She's on her way over right now. I don't know what to do! The... the place is turned upside down. I'm not dressed.​

[HELEN]
Go take a shower.​

[BRUCE]
But I—

[HELEN]
Take a shower and get yourself dressed!

[BRUCE]
Okay...

[HELEN]
Kids. Kids! There's an important lady on her way over to look at the house; listen to me please! This is one of those times you need to do what I say quickly, without any shenanigans.​