The first letter I wrote you was way too long
Way too crazy, way too scary, way too sad
The second letter I wrote you was way too short
Just said, "I love you, baby. Please come back."
The third letter I wrote you was right down the middle
Somehow it didn't quite sum it all up
The fourth letter I wrote you, I did the best that I could do
We both know that was never good enough

I had nothing nice to say
I said it anyway
I made myself feel a little better
Yeah but in the end, I guess
It was probably for the best
That I never bothered sending you those letters

The fifth letter I wrote you was one big, long joke
You probably wouldn't think was very funny
The sixth letter I wrote, was a strictly business note
Requesting you send me back those last two months rent money
Oh but the seventh one was magic, it was totally romantic
It would have made your little boxer shorts melt
And the eighth time that I tried, I swear I couldn't even write
Just curled up and cried all by myself

I had nothing nice to say
I said it anyway
I made myself feel a little better
Yeah but in the end, I guess
It was probably for the best
That I never bothered sending you those letters...