On the highway at night, the lights blazing red
There ain't no sounds except the pounding in my head
And a couple cop sirens blaring for me
They stopped me en route to the refinery
They say, "you look mean"
"The kettle is black!"
They punched me for that one
And threw me in the back
They say, "you've been drinking"
I said, "yes, of course
But it ain't drunk driving
If you're riding a horse"

Well there's coked-up truck drivers and T-Birds on meth
And cell phones and soccer folks scare me to death
And pills, weed, and NyQuil in every third car
And liquored-up grandmas going down to the bar
But my horse, he does all the thinking for me
He's sober as an angel on a Christmas tree
Being horny and getting fucked up
Is life's strongest force
But it ain't drunk driving
If you're riding a horse

My equine companion is kind and good-hearted
But he will not back down from a fight
And down at the stable he'll drink you under the table
But he wasn't drinking tonight
Well I pleaded and pleaded without any gain
Took all the names in the Bible I could think of in vain
And the judge, he had the gall to swear on my wealth
He said, "what do you have to say for yourself
Of your sinning and your drinking
Do you feel much remorse?"
No, cause it ain't drunk driving
If you're riding a horse