Somewhere in the middle of the seventh grade
I realized that everyone my age was an asshole
Yeah, yeah, yeah
From there everything began to escalate
It's much more fun to climb a gate than a flagpole
Yeah, yeah, yeah

I was the long lost kid in the middle
Of the long lost American Dream
So I picked up my paintbrush and started on my masterpiece

I had no money but I had the time
Got some sticky little fingers, the world was mine
In my klepto phase
I stole my way across the deep blue sea
I went looking for my dignity
Stamp my passport
If you please

Yeah, I was a teenage troublemaker
On the run from the mall police
Yeah, but trouble's an important chapter in my masterpiece

He was wearing eyeliner, had a funny name
And he told me that his daddy was an Attache
And he made me a woman
In the middle of the ocean
When I touched down in Montreal
I saw my future, yes, I saw it all
Singing '"Yes I can, can, yes I can, can, yes, ma'am"
I had a brand new head on my shoulders
And a nice little pair of titties
I said goodbye to the Virgin and hello to my masterpiece

(Masterpiece)
(Masterpiece)
(Masterpiece)
(Masterpiece)

Embroider all my vices
Catharsis and crisis into one incorrigible pendulum

For the sake of the story I'ma skip ahead
Past the part about the Grateful Dead
Straight to Booker-T
And don't forget the MG's
I danced holes through my wooly socks
I felt a funny little tickle 'cause I had pop rocks in my pussy
Uh-uh-uh-huh

I was the long lost daughter of disco
Dancing through my jockstrap dreams
In my funky little Fiat chasing down my Masterpiece
Yeah, yeah, yeah

Every Major Tom, Harry Dick and friendly ghost
Helped me stir the madness of my holy woes
Like sugar in my teacup
Yeah, yeah, yeah
Now I don't shoplift and I don't blackout
I have a handle and I have a spout
I'm a grownup
Yeah, yeah, yeah
But I still get that feeling when I drive by my school
How them goddamn kids could be so goddamn cruel
But I'm still painting and fucking and climbing trees
And dancing with my darling devils and beasts
And every single ugly little part of me

Is just a color in the palette of my ever-lovin' never-done-in' vagabond masterpiece