[Intro]
(Indistinct pornographic movie sounds mixed with the clinking of coins through arcade slots)

Yeah, hello, baby

Okay, all you pus-sucking motherfuckers out there: it's time to win a chance to butt-bang your daughter's tight virgin cherry ass to caller number... six six six!

[Verse]
The urge is too much to take
All I can think about is playing with myself
It's time to masturbate
I've got my Hustler and I don't need nothin' else

[Pre-Chorus]
("Mmm... oh, you're scrumptious Mr. Bungle")
Ginger, Ginger

[Chorus]
My hand gets tired and my dick gets sore
But the girls of porn want more
So I flip through the pages one more time
And I just let the jism fly
Yeah, yeah, yeah!

[Verse 2]
A quarter for a peep show
A private booth or talking to a naked whore
Triple-X video
976 and I can whack it on the phone
[Bridge 1]
("Oh you've got such a nice ass...")
Nobody's home, I'm alone
The Devil in Miss Jones
("Oh yes, I'm gonna get some, I got some its right there in my hand, oh and there it is!")
Nobody's home, I'm alone
Aja & John Holmes

[Bridge 2]
("Fourteen-inch dead dick!")
We got gushing gonads, tingling tushes
Hairy balls and hairy bushes
S & M, whips and chains
Pregnant ladies with menstrual pains
We got hand jobs and nipple tweaks
Finger bangs and slapping cheeks
We got rape, necro & both ways
And lots of hung studs for all you gays
We got incest & bestiality too
We got Sade & the sweetest taboo
We got girls who'll eat your pee and poo
And guys who'd love to fuck your shoe
There's she-males, lezbos, and shaved beav
And D-cup mamas with so much cleave
Senior citizens who love to watch
And sniff those skid marks from your crotch, yeah!
("Bear!")
("Bear, I love your muscles")
("Oh, bear!")
("Bear, you smell so bad but you fuck so good")

[Pre-Chorus 2]
Ain't got no woman next to me
I just got this magazine
And what's on the TV screen
And that's okay with me

[Chorus]
My hand gets tired and my dick gets sore
But the girls of porn want more
So I flip through the pages one more time
And I just let the jism fly
("Oh, Mr. Bungle")
Yeah, yeah, yeah!

[Outro]
("I'd buy that for a dollar!")
I was trained to fuck you baby
I, I, I, I was trained to fuck you baby
I, I, I was trained to fuck you baby
I, I, I, I was trained to fuck you baby
Yeah... yeah... yeah!
("Jesus, [?] cop, there's a cop right here"
"Oh shit"
"Hey, buttfucker, [?]"
"[?]"
"I'll kill you, I'll kill ya boy!")