[Verse 1]
The girl in the pastry shop with the net in her
Hair is making a cannoli for you to
Take on your hiking trip in the woods with your
Bros that you've known since second grade and you
May encounter dragons or ruffians and be
Called upon to employ your testosterone
In a battle for supremacy and access to
Females glued to the TV
And even if you are victorious you may receive
Many cuts, bruises, and scrapes
And you will require band aids and antiseptic ointments
And tender loving kisses on your stab wounds
And when you come home she will be there
Waiting for you with a fire in her eyes
And a big fat cannoli to shove
In your mouth, and that's why you

[Chorus]
Thank God for girls
Holla Jesu Christe, from Tennessee to LA
Thank God for girls
On your reckoning day, you better bow down and pray

[Post-Chorus]
She's so big, she's so strong
She's so energetic in her sweaty overalls
Thank God for girls (Thank God for girls)
Thank God for girls (Thank God for girls), thank God for girls
[Verse 2]
I'm so glad I got a girl to think of
Even though she isn't mine
I think about her all the day and all the night
It's enough to know that she's alive
She says I give her sweaty palms, she almost had a heart attack
The truth is that I'm just as scared, I don't know how to act
I wish that I could get to know her better, but meeting up
In real life would 'cause the illusion to shatter
I carved her name into all the trees
Sang a song down on one knee
Looking at the underwear page of the Sears catalog
Like when I was 14
I'm levitating like a magnet turned
The wrong way around
I'm like an Indian Fakir tryna meditate on a
Bed of nails with my pants pulled down

[Chorus]
Thank God for girls
Holla Jesu Christe, from Tennessee to LA
Thank God for girls
On your reckoning day, you better bow down and pray

[Post-Chorus]
She's so big, she's so strong
She's so energetic in her sweaty overalls
Thank God for girls (Thank God for girls)
Thank God for girls (Thank God for girls), thank God for girls
[Outro]
God took a rib from Adam
Ground it up in a centrifuge machine
Mixed it with cardamom and cloves
Microwaved it on the popcorn setting
While Adam was like, "Ooh ooh! That really hurts!"
(Going off into the tundra)
So pissed at God
And he started lighting minor forest fires, stealing osprey eggs
Messing with the bees who were trying
To pollinate the echinacea, until God said
"I'ma smite you with loneliness
And break your heart in two!"
And Adam wept and wailed
Tearing out his hair
Falling on his knees, looked to
The sky and said, "Thank God..."