[Verse 1]
Quit your boozin'
Flush away the lortap
Learn to trip on a mug of herbal tea
Find a partner
Someone to ease your longing (stupid)
When you conflagrate your Hustler magazines

[Chorus]
These are the rules of life
And we must comply
If we wanna be
Written up in history
These are the rules of life
And we must abide
If we wanna be
Everything we're meant to be in life

[Post-Chorus]
These are simply the rules of life

[Verse 2]
Leave the rat race
No more wheeling-dealing
Lock yourself in the closet with a snack
Burn nag champa
Light some goddess candles
Pray America will get you back on track
[Chorus]
These are the rules of life
And we must comply
If we wanna be
Written up in history
These are the rules of life
And we must abide
If we wanna be
Everything we're meant to be in life

[Bridge]
And then they'll fuck you
Fuck you
Yeah (yeah)
This is as simple as that (yeah)
Whoa (whoa)
Show them what you got
You little snot

[Chorus]
These are the rules of life
And we must comply
If we wanna be
Written up in history
These are the rules of life
And we must abide
If we wanna be
Everything we're meant to be
[Post-Chorus]
These are the rules of life (These are the rules of life, and we must comply)
These are the rules of life (If we wanna be, written up in history)

[Outro]
(These are the rules of life) These are the rules of life
(These are the rules of life) These are the rules of life
(These are the...) These are simply the rules of life