[Verse 1]
Mom made my sex
She knitted it with her hands
Sex-making is
A family tradition
Going back to the caveman days
They were walking around in a haze
Until they figured it out
And they said
"Gosh dang, this is great!"

[Pre-Chorus 1]
But now I'm like a prehistoric screwball
Walking around with no sex at all, I said

[Chorus]
Where's my sex? I thought it was here
Under the bench, but it isn't there
I've got no idea where it disappeared to
I'm running late, I can't be late
I can't go out without my sex
It's cold outside if my toes get wet
And people will think that I'm an alien
Just cruising in to make a friend

[Verse 2]
Meg likes to hide it
She says that it gives her a kick
It may be under the rug
Or stuck in a shoe closet
Or tumbling around in the washing machine
She's always trying to get me clean
She adds detergent and Bounce to eliminate static cling
[Pre-Chorus 2]
It's going to be another hour or more
Until I am ready to walk out the door, I said

[Chorus]
Where's my sex I thought it was here
Under the bench, but it isn't there
I've got no idea where it disappeared to
I'm running late, I can't be late
I can't go out without my sex
It's cold outside if my toes get wet
And people will think that I'm an alien
Just cruising in to make a friend

[Bridge]
People can you hear me talking
I know you all are happy, rawking
Could you lend me a dime, pretty please?
Brother, sister got time? I got no
Sex on my feet, sex in my drawer
Sex in my shoes or sex on the floor, I said

[Chorus]
Where's my sex? I thought it was here
Under the bench, but it isn't there
I've got no idea where it disappeared to
I'm running late, I can't be late
I can't go out without my sex
It's cold outside if my toes get wet
And people will think that I'm an alien
Just cruising in to make a friend