[H. CHANDLER, spoken]
Are we gonna have a problem?
You got a bone to pick?
You’ve come so far
Why now are you pulling on my dick?
I’d normally slap your face off
And everyone here could watch
But I’m feeling nice
Here’s some advice
Listen up, biatch!

[HEATHERS]
I like!

[H. CHANDLER]
Lookin’ hot
Buying stuff they cannot

[H. DUKE & H. MCNAMARA]
I like!

[H. CHANDLER]
Drinkin’ hard
Maxin’ Dad’s credit card

[H. DUKE & H. MCNAMARA]
I like!
[H. CHANDLER]
Skippin’ gym
Scaring her
Screwing him

[H. DUKE & H. MCNAMARA]
I like!

[H. CHANDLER]
Killer clothes

[HEATHERS]
Kickin’ nerds in the nose!

[H. CHANDLER]
If you lack the balls
You can go play dolls
Let your mommy fix you a snack

[H. DUKE & H. MCNAMARA]
Woah!

[H. CHANDLER]
Or you could come smoke
Pound some rum and coke
In my Porsche with the quarterback
[HEATHERS]
Woah! Woah! Woah!
Honey, whatchu waitin’ for?
Welcome to my candy store
Time for you to prove
You’re not a loser anymore
Then step into my candy store

[H. CHANDLER & H. MCNAMARA]
Guys fall

[H. DUKE]
At your feet
Pay the check

[H. MCNAMARA]
Help you cheat

[HEATHERS]
All you

[H. DUKE]
Have to do

[H. CHANDLER]
Say goodbye to Shamu
[HEATHERS]
That freak’s

[H. MCNAMARA]
Not your friend
I can tell in the end

[HEATHERS]
If she

[H. DUKE]
Had your shot

[HEATHERS]
She would leave you to rot!

[H. MCNAMARA]
‘Course if you don’t care
Fine! Go braid her hair
Maybe Sesame Street is on

[HEATHERS]
Woah!

[H. MCNAMARA]
Or forget that creep

[H. DUKE]
And get in my Jeep

[H. CHANDLER]
Let’s go tear up someone’s lawn

[HEATHERS]
Woah! Woah! Woah!
Honey, whatchu waitin’ for?
Welcome to my candy store
You just gotta prove
You’re not a pussy anymore
Then step into my candy store

[H. CHANDLER]
You can join the team

[H. DUKE & H. MCNAMARA]
Or you can bitch and moan

[H. CHANDLER]
You can live the dream

[H. DUKE & H. MCNAMARA]
Or you can die alone

[H. CHANDLER]
You can fly with eagles

[HEATHERS]
Or if you prefer

[H. CHANDLER]
Keep on testing me

[HEATHERS]
And end up like her!

[MARTHA, spoken]
Veronica, look! Ram invited me to his homecoming party! This proves he’s been thinking about me!

[VERONICA, spoken]
Color me stoked!

[MARTHA, spoken]
I’m so happy!

[HEATHERS]
Woah!

[H. DUKE]
Honey, whatchu waiting fo—

[H. CHANDLER, spoken]
Shut up, Heather!

(sung)
Step into my candy store!

[H. DUKE & H. MCNAMARA]
Time for you to prove
You're not a lame ass anymore!

[H. CHANDLER]
Oooh woah! Woah oh oh!

[HEATHERS]
Then step into my candy store!

[HEATHERS]
It’s my candy store
It’s my candy
It’s my candy store
It’s my candy!
It’s my candy store
It's my candy store!